Highs and Lows: Running Your Mouth – RHONY

After a stunning premiere episode, our ladies of the Big Apple have returned to grace our screens once more. I foolishly made dinner plans for last night and forgot we are now in RHONY WEDNESDAY season so I couldn’t watch live. Brb, blocking off my calendar for 4 months.

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Highs and Lows: The Real Vikings of Orange County – RHOC

Forgive the very late deployment of this recap as I’m dealing with a new puppy and barely have had time to watch 40 minutes of television this week. My puppy is pertinent to this blog also because I named her after a real housewife. Drop your guess as to who in the comments after you read through my thoughts on the final episode of RHOC’s trip to Iceland.

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Real Housewives of New York Recap: Thank You and Good Night

We open the season 9 finale with Bethenny walking in on Carole talking to her cats. Carole and Bethenny scenes are always painfully boring but it did jog my memory that Bethenny had two new puppies introduced at the beginning of the season. Whatever happened to Biggie and Smalls? My assumption is they perished from internal trauma after being viciously kicked by Ramona in her heels. Bethenny calls Carole’s apartment a “pussy sauna” because that is the kind of “edgy” and “real” shit (along with those painfully lame dog names, btw) that has had basics worshipping her for a decade now. Carole prompts her to start talking about her apartment flipping woes and my mind drifts back to thoughts of dead puppies to entertain myself. Bravo loves a subtlety-free lead-in to a spinoff (see: Vanderpump Rules/RHOBH) and I refuse to dignify this particularly mind-numbing concept with any attention.

Thankfully we cut to the couple de la semaine: Luann and Tom. They are playing tennis while Luann narrates in her talking-head about how they have only known each other for a year and a half and are still in their honeymoon phase. It is deliciously cringeworthy considering the news cycle this week and I can’t get enough of it. Luann explains that they are competitive but there is no tension like how Ramona and Mario had when they played tennis, and then we are treated to a delightful flashback of Ramario fighting on the court. Lu and Ramona’s relationship is the only one to span all nine seasons of RHONY and it is a delicious rollercoaster of feuding and détentes, and I was glad to see Lu get another jab in there after Ramona was trashing her marriage all season. Pretty much this entire scene is constantly one-upping the most humiliating quote Lu can make given the timing of this episode airing and the divorce news breaking.

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