With the S10 premiere boner-inducingly close, let’s take a moment to look back on season openers past, shall we?
Season 13 of The Real Housewives of Orange County has started filming, and after the notorious dud that was season 12, it feels like an opportune time to look to the past and take stock. What worked, and what sucked? Throw on your Sky Top, iron your dress pants, and dust off your J. Lo sunglasses. It’s time to rank every season of RHOC, from worst to best.
Time to restore that loving feeling. It would be too boring to highlight the genuinely good partners on Real Housewives, not to mention difficult to summon to mind more than a handful. It’s much more fun to revisit the best of the worst. The sleazebags who manage to make their douchebaggery more entertaining than assaulting to the senses. The following men might be pieces of shit, but I sure enjoyed what they brought to their franchises.
Love is in the air this week. If you’re ignoring all the schmoopy-ing and just waiting for candy to go on sale February 15th then this might be the ranking for you. I can’t think of too many spouses in the Real Housewives sphere who genuinely keep any love tanks full. I can think of plethora awful ones, though. Let’s quash that romantic spirit, shall we?
Everyone handles grief differently. Some fall into depression; others try to scam their way back onto national television.
Jill Zarin is of the latter class, using her dear husband Bobby’s death to launch a month-long flurry of oh-so-subtle press leaks that made her past output pale in comparison. Below, a post-modern tragedy in five gossip-rag acts.
Hell is other Housewives.
They may have been foreclosed upon in real life, but they’ll live on in our memories.
You only get one chance to make a first impression.
It’s New Year’s Eve, and you’re prettying up for a night on the town (unless you’re checking into rehab — stay strong, Countess!). But before you head out, put down that lip gloss and unplug your straightener, and focus on what’s really important: which of the 2017 iterations of The Real Housewives of Wherever the Fuck was the best. In fact, cancel your plans. This could take all night.
Gerard on me and you’re sure to…uh…