Alcohol is ever-present on the Real Housewives. It’s the fuel for most of the best confrontations and meltdowns and for that we give it our eternal thanks. This ranking is not a list of swill that the housewives shill, but rather the drinks we see them guzzling back that truly embody their character. Bottoms up.
As we start puzzling out what psychoses are driving newbies Emily and Gina, let’s take a look back at the nineteen(!) past OC Housewives and determine who’s the best, who’s the worst, and whose surname we wouldn’t remember in a ten-minute Sporcle quiz.
With lucky Season 13 imminently upon us, let’s see how past season openers have served up the drama (or, in the case of the early seasons, the lack thereof).
Oh yeah Melissa Gorga was there too,
With the S10 premiere boner-inducingly close, let’s take a moment to look back on season openers past, shall we?
Season 13 of The Real Housewives of Orange County has started filming, and after the notorious dud that was season 12, it feels like an opportune time to look to the past and take stock. What worked, and what sucked? Throw on your Sky Top, iron your dress pants, and dust off your J. Lo sunglasses. It’s time to rank every season of RHOC, from worst to best.
Time to restore that loving feeling. It would be too boring to highlight the genuinely good partners on Real Housewives, not to mention difficult to summon to mind more than a handful. It’s much more fun to revisit the best of the worst. The sleazebags who manage to make their douchebaggery more entertaining than assaulting to the senses. The following men might be pieces of shit, but I sure enjoyed what they brought to their franchises.
Love is in the air this week. If you’re ignoring all the schmoopy-ing and just waiting for candy to go on sale February 15th then this might be the ranking for you. I can’t think of too many spouses in the Real Housewives sphere who genuinely keep any love tanks full. I can think of plethora awful ones, though. Let’s quash that romantic spirit, shall we?
Everyone handles grief differently. Some fall into depression; others try to scam their way back onto national television.
Jill Zarin is of the latter class, using her dear husband Bobby’s death to launch a month-long flurry of oh-so-subtle press leaks that made her past output pale in comparison. Below, a post-modern tragedy in five gossip-rag acts.
Hell is other Housewives.