Ranked: Every Season of the Real Housewives of New Jersey

This one has been in the works for a while but in honor of tonight’s season 9 premiere I have finally gotten my shit together. New Jersey was perhaps the breakout housewives franchise and Teresa the star after she flipped a table. With almost a decade on the screen under their belt (barring a jail-time hiatus year, of course) Jersey has had its ups and downs. Pop a bottle of Fabellini and let’s relive the best and worst.

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Ranked: Housewife Signature Drinks

Alcohol is ever-present on the Real Housewives. It’s the fuel for most of the best confrontations and meltdowns and for that we give it our eternal thanks. This ranking is not a list of swill that the housewives shill, but rather the drinks we see them guzzling back that truly embody their character. Bottoms up.

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Ranked: Every Season of The Real Housewives of Orange County

Season 13 of The Real Housewives of Orange County has started filming, and after the notorious dud that was season 12, it feels like an opportune time to look to the past and take stock. What worked, and what sucked? Throw on your Sky Top, iron your dress pants, and dust off your J. Lo sunglasses. It’s time to rank every season of RHOC, from worst to best.

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Love Tanked: Best Worst Househusbands

Time to restore that loving feeling. It would be too boring to highlight the genuinely good partners on Real Housewives, not to mention difficult to summon to mind more than a handful. It’s much more fun to revisit the best of the worst. The sleazebags who manage to make their douchebaggery more entertaining than assaulting to the senses. The following men might be pieces of shit, but I sure enjoyed what they brought to their franchises.

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Love Tanked: Worst Househusbands

Love is in the air this week. If you’re ignoring all the schmoopy-ing and just waiting for candy to go on sale February 15th then this might be the ranking for you. I can’t think of too many spouses in the Real Housewives sphere who genuinely keep any love tanks full. I can think of plethora awful ones, though. Let’s quash that romantic spirit, shall we?

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