Team Sonja is no less than thirty-five people. Which are you?
What’s scarier than a horror movie? A horror movie starring Jill Zarin.
If we’re counting off things these rich ladies love (in a plot twist surprising to no one, the true horror is privilege), we must acknowledge psychics. Truly, nothing says “bored with too much money” like paying a stranger to magically divine your future. But as we well know, on these cold autumn days, we must be careful when crossing the veil between worlds. Here are some of the spOoOoOokiest Real Housewives psychics and mediums.
There’s nothing idle rich ladies love more than publicly eviscerating their enemies, but even that gets a bit tired. For a change of pace, why not eviscerate your enemy in a fun costume? Here are some of the best Real Housewives costume parties ever.
The first couple of American television is back from beyond the grave, and they’re here to help us scare your socks off!
As you might imagine, this coven of witches does Halloween in style — more beasts than an Amsterdam dinner, more dead bodies than a Phaedra Parks funeral, more gravestones than a Beador marriage counselling session [ed.: this post was obviously written before this joke was so, uh, topical 😬]. So in the spirit of tricks and treats galore, we present The Bitchy Witches Halloween Spooktacular. Every day from Saturday through Halloween Tuesday, check back for spine-tingling, nail-biting, bone-chilling Housewives features that will leave you wondering: am I dying of fright, or is it just Munchausen’s?
Keep an eye on the site for more, and in the meantime, treat yourself to your first scare of the season with the “Thriller” of the Housewives canon, Simon Van Kempen’s pop opus “I Am Real.”
*Twirls next to poorly rendered graphic of soon-to-be-divorced husband*
We’ve all been there, right?
My favorite detail is that her janky party invite was via Paperless Post, the very same upscale-Evite service Luann used for her save-the-dates. Fun fact: I worked at PP for two years, only to be cruélly laid off two days before my birthday, so I’m gonna go ahead and say that this was entirely their fault and that they should compensate her for emotional distress as well as the cost of hiring an ex-FBI agent as an impromptu bouncer.
(Kidding, kidding, it’s all love/they gave me a juicy severance. I don’t want to make life any harder for the poor guy who had to tweet back at her (sup, Fritz).)