💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Orange County, S13E17

Team Geriatrics (okay fine I’M OLD are you happy).

Tamra

Screenshot (1942)

Good God Tamra is back at her shit-stirring best. She cannot keep her fucking mouth shut this season and I’m so glad. And of course her entire plan to throw a geriatric-themed party that *oops* coincidentally happened to be on the same day as Gina’s birthday party *that she accidentally forgot about* was sooooOOOOOooo bitchy but also fucking hilarious so all is immediately forgiven duh.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Are the rights to “Thank You for Being a Friend” really that expensive?

Vicki

Screenshot (1943)

Call me a sap, but I loved Tamra and Vicki finally rekindling their sublimated lesbian romance. Tamra showing up in those pajamas must have been such a thrilling moment in Vicki’s soul and loins alike. I would also like to quote Vicki’s xanned out rant about Shannon (“SHE HAS A COLORFUL RAINBOW PERSONALITY. THAT IS HOW GOD MADE HER”) because yes exactly.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Donn Gunvalson thought he’d escaped, but of course Vicki still owns his soul for the next 999 years.

Emily

Screenshot (1936)

When I think “femme fatale” I think “Emily Simpson” that’s for sure.

Rating: ⭐⭐ – Remember when this show was trying to push Pary as the new like Mama Elsa or Dale or Dee or whatever? Yeah she’s boring sorry.

Gina

Screenshot (1938)

Was anyone getting Lizzie’s Party Bus vibes from Gina’s birthday? Beautiful memories. Seeing Gina spin out into ever greater Frank Grimes-y fury about Shannon is as fun as her divorce storyline is touching. What a find, honestly.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Watching a Housewife this close to my (chronological /Ramona) age is…unsettling.

Kelly

Screenshot (1939)

Such a good mom somehow! Sitting through fucking Oliver! to see your daughter perform as Urchin #3…God bless.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – Kelly trying to fuck Matt Kirschenheiter is the S14 storyline we as a country need, nay, deserve.

Shannon

Screenshot (1940)

I don’t know if there’s anything more Shannon Beador than everyone being absolutely beside themselves and exhausted with her, and yet everyone *also* simultaneously scrambling to stay on her good side. When will your faves, etc.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – An enema flashback was exactly what I needed thank you editors!!!

6 thoughts on “💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Orange County, S13E17

  1. I’m so happy Shannon is coming for Emily in the next episode.

    I think overall with the newbies: Gina has been a satisfying addiction to the OC while Emily has been… alright-ish. Outside of giving us Shane and threatening to kill Kelly, Emily is just kind of Gina’s beta. A Rinna/Eileen dynamic if you will. Of course there was her personal storyline, that while touching, just kinda bogged me down over time. I suddenly miss the body horror of Meghan’s IVF storyline.

    1. Glad I’m not the only one who enjoyed MKE gratuitously stabbing herself with hypodermic needles onscreen/writhing in pain as Jimmy was off in Florida playing golf or whatever.

  2. Oh my GOD, Gina’s birthday looked miserable! Nothing on Gina, but her friends don’t look like the most…lively bunch (Emily included). It’s no wonder Kelly was desperately blowing up Tamra’s phone to get her to show up.

    And worst “psychic” ever? This is a time-honored tradition in Housewives and Emily couldn’t even do that right. Shannon needs help? I could have told you that after watching one episode from the past five seasons.

  3. I’m thrilled that Emily is going to be bringing on camera her mother who she has spent the season repeatedly exposing as mentally ill, unstable, a bad mom, untreated, etc. She’s like Ashley Darby except I get the feeling she has no idea that she’s Ashley Darby.

    Also loved Woke Kelly doing the unthinkable and delivering Real Housewives’ first and probably last un-problematic, non-malicious transgender joke. She probably has my favorite family scenes of anyone right now.

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