💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Orange County, S13E16

Whistler’s Mother (1871).

Shannon

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Convalescent Shannon is a greeeat Shannon, being as it is a subset of Deranged Health Obsessive Shannon. I’m not a big fan of body horror but the visual gag of blood pooling under the skin around her eyes was too funny sorry bout it.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Of cooourse Shannon immediately called Tamra after Gina’s visit. Take a moment and meditate and you will definitely hear the *exact* tone of voice in which Shannon said “Tamra!!!!” when she picked up the phone.

Tamra

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First things first: I adore the fact that Spencer marked his first day of legal adulthood by spiting Simon and appearing on the show. Spite is the most entertaining human emotion to watch and a great thing to devote a landmark birthday to, and also of course fuck Simon Barney man. As for Tamra herself, it’s always fun to see her enter imperious queen bee mode and shut down someone she feels is undermining her. The Gina/Tamra relationship could wind up being either a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare and I’m here for both possibilities.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Now let’s get a release signed for Sophia so we can hear her music on national television.

Vicki

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You could just teeeeell the editors were having a field day with Vicki’s newfound enthusiastic openness about her plastic surgeries. I mean, shit, that montage of her many faces…life flashing before our eyes. Drugged-up Vicki was also a delight, with all her needy ramblings turned up to 100% instead of the normal 95%. Good luck, Steve Lodge.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – It’s times like this when I really miss Briana’s reactions, though.

Emily

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Her reaction to the baby box was as touching as Shane’s was horrifying (“so ya had a little surprise in there from your grandma! 😛”) so sure I’ll chuck her some sympathy. Stop having kids though!!!

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – Oh god and STOP bringing up your mom’s mental illness with regards to Shannon!!! We don’t need She’s Having A Psychotic Break 2.0.

Gina

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She’s housewifing sooo well I’m so proud! That little shit-stir at Shannon’s house was some beautiful Tamra Jr. shit (so of course Tamra hated it). Absolutely loved the montage of every scene this season during which she listened to Shannon’s friends bitch about her and just silently absorbed it all for later.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – It’s gonna be predictably hilarious when Gina and Shannon are best friends in S14.

Kelly

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Barely appeared in the episode but I’m still loving her #lewks.

Rating: ⭐⭐ – Only this low because of the lack of footage. The fires of my heart still burn for her forever and for always xx.

2 thoughts on “💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Orange County, S13E16

  1. Unpopular, but I really like Emily. No, she’s not up to par with the rest of the cast, but I will gladly accept her as #6 knowing that spot isn’t being filled by Lizzie/Gretchen/Heather/Peggy/Peggy/Lydia/post-babies MKE. I’m a fan of how willing she is to expose whatever awful thing about her life she can find in the name of Good TV. Despite not having really gained traction as a Housewife yet, I think she gels with the group reasonably well, too compared to some others. Maybe with another season she can Cary Deuber her way into appearing chill and fun.

    1. Ya, I feel this. She hasn’t ever really booothered me, so I’d for sure take her in a heartbeat over FUCKING Gretchen or FUCKING Lydia etc etc etc. And Shane, while he fucking suuuucks (what depraved mad scientist thought it would be a good idea to cross-breed Jimmy Edmonds with a ferret?), is at least fascinatingly gross, and I really do want to learn more about the dark underbelly of their relationship.

      I suppose the best move for S14 is probably to keep the current cast and add another newbie, but I also would not care if Emily left, so. Gina is already indispensable, though, if you ask me.

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