Please ensure that your fedora is firmly secured in place before descending below the fold.
I’m gonna go ahead and take Shannon’s relative lack of material in this episode as her saving up for the batshittery that we saw in the midseason trailer.
Rating: ⭐⭐ – I’m shocked, shocked!, that one of the new girls doesn’t like Shannon Beador.
The old shit-stirring Tamra we all know and love is still going strong. The precise wording of the term “mommy” was a particularly nice touch.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – She and Eddie need to investigate some new sex positions; I’m fairly confident they could make the defective heart/foot work to their respect advantage one way or another.
Vicki must be so relieved that she’s patched things up with Tamra and Shannon and can go back to feeding on the entrails of the newest, youngest cast member; it’s her natural prey, after all. Harping on God and morals is a nice added touch, though, as ever with Vicki, it’s slightly erm dangerous ground for her.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ – I don’t know how I didn’t see it coming, but of course a comment about Vicki’s boyfriend’s mommy is gonna end at I WISH I COULD VISIT *MY* MOM. Laws of physics seldom bend.
Ugh can I not be made to look at Shane’s face please.
Rating: ⭐⭐ – I’m pretty much on the same page as Shannon and Tamra at this point:
I’m fairly compelled by the saga of Gina’s divorce, from whatever clearly is not being stated about the reasons behind it (yes probably adultery) to her honestly pretty good explanation of her feelings regardless to the group’s using it as a pretext for hazing her. And I always love a good bathroom storm-off, of course.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Personal theory: Matt gave her the clap after cheating on her. You can take the boy out of Long Island…
Kelly sincerely trying to patch things up with Emily *and Shane(!!!!!!!)* as part of her efforts to Become A Better Person while simultaneously socially terrorizing Vicki to the ends of the Earth is exactly the intoxicating Kelly Dodd self-contradiction I yearn for, I crave.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Legitimately surprised Slade Smiley hasn’t tried to swoop in on her yet.