💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Orange County, S13E09

Got a surly pancreas? Pensive colon? Settle down with some Patron shots, some Tito’s and soda, and a quick discussion of the latest RHOC.

Kelly

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¡¡¡DINEEERRROOOO!!! I deeply admire Kelly seamlessly transitioning from her argument with Emily (feat. a death threat) so she can undermine Vicki’s and Steve’s relationship as quickly as possible. Not that they need any undermining, evidently…

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ –  Move over Shannon, we have a new Disaster Flashback queen.

Shannon

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Shannon dating is the absurdist comedy I didn’t know I needed in my life, but then I guess I always loved Liz Lemon so why not try out a real life version? God bless this mysterious unseen matchmaker (probably Karen Huger’s assistant Matt) for finding someone even more deeply neurotic and afraid of the world than Shannon for Shannon to date. It was almost enough to upstage a meeting with Dr. Moon and discussion of her emotive organs (you may laugh, but it’s perfectly reasonable to me that Shannon Beador’s organs would have their own sub-emotions).

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ –  The look she was giving Gina at that dinner when Gina accused her of shit-stirring, holy moly. I half expected her to start bellowing JOVANI! at her.

Tamra

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Old school shit-stirring Tamra is back yaaay! The one-two punch of “Kelly says Steve is after your money” and “Vicki doesn’t care about Steve!!!” was some classic Tamra gleefully-speaking-out-of-both-sides-of-her-mouth-and-getting-away-with-it magic. Glad to see Eddie’s illness has bonded her more to him and made her more willing to throw shit at anyone who isn’t Eddie.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ –  A fond farewell to the scooter; a fond hello to the boot, which is almost as funny.

Vicki

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Vicki out here serving up some priiime Katie Rost I-demand-to-cleave-to-your-soul material (while simultaneously casting about for alternate options???). She was just generally in her glory in this episode, the wacky center of attention at her own party, wielding knives at her enemies in absentia, insincerely demanding no more drama!

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ –  Was excited to meet Steve’s aunts URSULA and HELGA; was disappointed not to see Roger Lodge or Billy’s girlfriend That Ronda Bitch.

Emily

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I hope we all caught Shane like “don’t let anybody tell you what to do!!!!!, now sit down next to me HURRY.” Her Kelly conflict resolved a little too quickly for my tastes; let’s hope for a sequel.

Rating: ⭐⭐ –  Does Emily looks like an alien wearing a loose human suit to anybody else?

Gina

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Wow, talk about narrative economy. I guess when your husband won’t even film with you the divorce inevitably progresses pretty rapidly in TV time.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ –  Alienating Shannon and Vicki in your first eight episodes is…a choice.

5 thoughts on “💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Orange County, S13E09

  1. Tamra comeback season is here. Classic Tamra. If Gina survives going up against Vicki and Shannon her first season she’ll be unstoppable.

    I’m ready for this Steve character assassination. This is definitely some payback from Vicki’s shittalking last season, yet it’s also accurate.

  2. On the topic of Karen Huger, I’m surprised you didn’t mention how Tamra’s doorbell is the same eerie tone of ~The Great Falls Manor~. Loving her continual shit stirring and I wonder will anyone call her out at the reunion for it? She doesn’t love him :smug gave me chills.

    I ate at the restaurant Kelly and Emily went to to “make up” for my birthday this year probably about a month or so after they filmed that so I missed it but it’s the first time I’ve ever felt connected to a Real Housewives place lmfao.

    I think this season is really picking up into a firmly good season.

    1. My biggest connection is having gone *several* times to the basement concert venue of THE CAKE SHOP, notable as the location of Luann’s night out with her niece S1 in the very first instance ever of her weekend parenting. Oh and I pass by Zarin Fabrics all the time but I need to dig my sacred amulet out of the closet before I attempt to go in.

      1. I used to work next door from the briefly tenured Java Jean Bar that one of the Knickerbocker demons modeled topless for.

        And there’s like only ~5 decent restaurants in OC so I recognize almost all of the ones they frequent.

  3. Most iconic housewives place i’ve been to. Honestly the The Quiet Woman which is in Corona Del Mar.
    I wish i could go to Bluestone Manor next but fingers crossed.

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