Hello and welcome to the best RHOC episode since 2016! For the sake of their own health, those with atrial fibrillation are advised to put on the most ridiculous outfit they can bear to be seen in.
Did I not tell you we’d never see Mr. Kirschensheiteshleißersber’s face? Vicki had to tilt that shit out of frame for legal reasons let it be known.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – Thank GOD for someone delivering us a one-season, self-contained breakup narrative. Excited for the divorcee Gina season next year; it’s certainly suited…well, all these other ladies.
An all-time great performance from—I’m gonna say it now—one of the all-time greats. I can barely outline for you what the Steve Lodge/Kelly Dodd conflict even entails (although of course I love me some toxic social media bullshit
I mean come on I’m not made of stone) but the results gave us the best RHOC scene in aaaages. I credit the editors for taking the last few weeks to build up Shane Simpson as the unsettlingly misogynistic closet case of a weasel/naked mole rat that he is, because it made it all the more satisfying when Kelly Dodd met him, immediately forgot who he was, took aim at him for being a meddling dork/twerp/little bitch, then informed Emily that wow I’m sorry I didn’t even realize that was your husband but nevertheless he is a piece of shit. Destroy him the world is rooting for you.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – I hope we all appreciated the dual callbacks to the peanut gallery and a-and-b conversations.
Shannon’s probably at her best when she’s an absurd emotionally unstable mess (cf. “this was one of the hardest weeks in my divorce”) who is nevertheless self-aware enough to own up to her flaws. It doesn’t hurt the equation when she’s also up in there subtly stirring shit up (cf. “well, I’m direct, and so are you…”).
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ – On that note, let us praise the delightful union of Kelly Dodd and Shannon Beador, somewhat akin to the union of explosive metal sodium and poisonous gas chlorine producing tasty table salt.
This was a delicious slice of everything we love about Tamra. It started with her shit-stirring Shannon drama, proceeded into the immense sexual tension between her and her husband *and* her son, and concluded with her tearily recounting Eddie’s demanding answers from ***HER*** GOD over the telephone(!!!). Not older, just bolder.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ – I liked her stripey shirt suck it haters!
Can we have Tamra and Vicki drunk in each other’s presence 24/7 please? Their pestering Steve about how he owes Vicki marriage in exchange for all the oral was the most interesting Mr. Lodge has ever been.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – So happy that she’s found her George Clooney.
Emily is still ridiculous/weird/frumpy/awful but fiiinally her weird-ass marriage is producing dividends. Shane may be the unholy offspring of Diko Sulahian and Josh Taekman, but at least his nauseating existence and Emily’s inexplicably fanatical attachment to him are paying off.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – “Snarkasm” tho…miss us with it thanks.