💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Orange County, S13E06

Welcome to Orange County, where the woman whose husband may or may not die of a heart condition is the lucky one.

Vicki

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There are few things I enjoy than Michael being mortified by Vicki, so this ep was obviously a treat for me. Other than that we got her gleefully undermining the other ladies’ relationships like she didn’t just have a relationship that could have gotten her literally indicted for fraud. Classic Vicki teehee!

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ –  Really regretting not including the keg stand in The Essential Vicki.

Emily

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The group ganging up to clown on Emily’s absolutely ludicrous marriage was as satisfying as scratching a mosquito bite. Drag that little gay ferret to Hell, ladies.

Rating: ⭐ –  I’m struggling to add anything else about Emily so enjoy this story about her friends Gretchen and Slade getting punked by Sacha Baron Cohen. They apparently feel “honored” by it because DUH attention is their literal oxygen.

Gina

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Let’s be realistic here; two newbies entered this season, and only one (at most…) is leaving, and so far Gina is several touchdowns up on Emily. That she hasn’t even seen her husband’s LA apartment is an Achilles heel for her, sure, but only adds texture to the character; if you’re in a bad marriage, at least leave the dude offscreen.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ –  When will Tamra saying Gina’s name stop giving me PTSD?

Kelly

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Hoooly shit I’m loving slutty Kelly. GET IT GIRL. The Milkman is really hot, too; sure he’s a boring douche but it’s Kelly, she’s smart enough to fuck him ‘n’ chuck him don’t worry.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ –  While Vicki vs. Kelly is fun, I probably enjoyed their dunking on Mormon Shane more than their actual arguments so I’m glad they’ve made up…for now.

Shannon

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As douchey as David always was, I never reeeally minded him as much as most awful househusbands on this show, but my God get this man some professional help he is verbally assaulting lawyers in courtrooms. Anyway most divorce dramas on this show leave me unmoved (yes yes Jason Hoppy is a monster take that shit to Reddit) but, and perhaps this is only because I already love Shannon, this one was kinda oddly moving to me. GET YOUR GROOVE BACK GIRL.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ –  I still don’t *quite* know what Shannon’s QVC meals entail but I’m definitely ordering one, if only for the awkwardly posed photo of her on the front. Or back or whatever.

Tamra

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We didn’t get much Tamra storyline this episode, but she more than made up for it with her mama-bearing the group against their awful husbands/exes. Sure, looking at all men as potential Simon Barneys may seem slightly blinkered, but on the other hand…most men do, in fact, suck.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ –  I still don’t know or care what “microblading” is though sorry.

3 thoughts on “💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Orange County, S13E06

  1. Kelly’s date night with the milkman was instantly iconic. He was beautiful and dumb, just like I like them. That Forrest Gump-esque listing of basic ass Mexican dishes made me genuinely cackle. Also, Kelly looked great at the happy hour by the beach in her wide-brimmed hat and big sunglasses. Kelly is totally winning this season so far.

    Also, Vicki and Kelly low key dragging Shane was pitch perfect shit talking. Vicki should have taken notes from Kelly for future reference. It’s okay to read someone for filth if you turn it back around on you. Everybody loves.a little self-deprecating humor. It’s pretty much my second language.

    Finally, going off the self-deprecation angle, and I truly hate to say this, but I’ve grown a quite weary of Shannon’s perpetual victim-hood. In this specific case she has a reason to feel that way, as a divorce is incredibly adversarial and to call her sensitive is the understatement of the decade. But I was on Lydia’s side re: Shannon last year, and next week’s preview with yet another Shannon freak out about being accused of something that she didn’t do or wasn’t her fault or whatever the case may be just made me so tired. I love you, Shannon! I want you to win! But, girl, I need you to get over SOMETHING in your life. Can she go on Iyanla?

    1. Haha, I understand getting sick of Shannon’s moping, but for me she’s such a ridiculous real-life Cathy that I’m into it.

      TAQUITOS

    2. I don’t think you’re wrong about Shannon although I wasn’t and will never be on Lydia’s side lol.

      Breakfast Mexican. Lunch Mexican. Dinner Mexican. Tacos. Burritos. Taquitos. Love all the stuff. I’m still cackling.

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