The Real Housewives of Potomac – Reunion Pt. 2 Power Rankings

When do we file a missing persons report on Juan Dixon already?

6. Robyn (-2)

And so the reunion proceeds much as the season itself did: Robyn barely speaking a word, overshadowed by Charrisse, the other women’s husbands, Karen’s makeup guy, etc. But, because existence is meaningless and futile, I’m already preparing myself to see you all back here next spring to hear about how she and Juan are thiiiiscloooose to starting down the path toward considering the possibility of thinking about taking the next step toward deciding where they stand with one another.

5. Monique (NC)

I do think Mo comes out of this one a little blooded—her refusal to cop to any shadiness in the Kyndall sitch didn’t look great, even if snake-ass Charrisse probably was mostly behind it. Not a terrible performance, mind, but there’s blood in the water now, which suddenly makes Season 4’s strategic map a little more interesting.

4. Candiace (+2)

A lowkey performance, but her shady mutterings at anything and everything the other couch had to offer left me in absolute stitches, particularly when it spread from Candiace to Monique AND Karen AND all three ladies’ men, utterly drowning whatever the fuck real estate bullshit Michael was blathering on about. In any event, the Daily Mail is claiming that her wedding was filmed, so I think we can be optimistic about being reigned over by our princess for another year.

3. Gizelle (-2)

While Gizelle got the best of Monique on points alone (a first, as far as I can recall), her bitterness shone through a little too clearly, as when she said Monique is a “horrible person” or used the occasion of a final toast to passive-aggressively demand an apology that I’m sorry lady is neeever coming you guys hate each other come off it!!! On the plus side, she now has a new business opportunity available to her in the form of penis hue cards.

2. Ashley (NC)

What an absolutely absurd creature. I’m not gonna suggest the possibility that her miscarriage is a made-up sob story, but, on the other hand, I just typed that, so. I don’t know SORRY but I think Ashley is capable of anything (and I approve of it, obviously). Anyway I think the Darbys and Hugers more or less fought each other to a draw, which seems like an automatic Ashley loss, but when you really think about it they’re such bizarro versions of each other that it really had to end this way. Now I swear to God if S4 is all about the Darbys trying to have a fucking baby I will riot holy fuck am I sick of that wretched desiccated Australian mummy.

1. Karen (+2)

I’ll be damned. Not that Karen was untouchable here, or looked any less ridiculous than usual, buuut…let’s add it up. Her edit was mainly about her mourning her parents. She got ample (and effective!) air cover from Candiace and Mo (love these loyal ladies). Again, she and Ray fought the Darbys to a draw even though they are clearly bizarre and fraudulent liars and resorted to a fucking cease and desist letter to prove their point. For most Housewives, this would have been a mixed bag of a performance, but Karen Huger is not most Housewives. Karen Huger, in the Real Housewives of Potomac Season 3, was a human Rube Goldberg machine of deceit, giving us a tangle of bullshit so thorough you could plausibly assign Robert Mueller to sift through it. Yet she came out of the reunion looking like a feisty, endearingly wacky, larger-than-life antiheroine who’s here to remind us of the importance of loving our friends and family. The season ends as it begins: the grand dame still holds center court.

8 thoughts on “The Real Housewives of Potomac – Reunion Pt. 2 Power Rankings

  1. ITA about Ashley and a possible S4 baby SL. I can’t deal with baby rabies SLs (I don’t like the bridezilla ones either), especially as I don’t believe that Ashley has baby rabies in the least. I do believe she’d like a little human ATM, though.

    Michael is as thirsty as Ashley, damn. And he shouldn’t brag about the IRS never having a problem with his finances, because we all know the IRS watch these Bravo shows closely. Moreover, the US taxes you on *worldwide* income, Michael, so you’d best believe that Oz is sharing your tax information with Uncle Sam.

    Karen once again proving to everybody in the world except Andy Cohen that she is the OG of this franchise. And did I hear right? Gizelle was reduced to begging Candiace for an invite to her wedding?

    1. I forget if I’ve expressed this opinion here yet, but Michael, whom I actually found vaguely likable in a wacky way when Potomac began, has gradually descended into one of my *most hated househusbands !!!!ever!!!!* Yes, all of Ashley’s thirst, but with absolute zero of the charm or panache or skillful manipulation. He just sits there grinning his creepy cryptkeeper grin as he boringly trolls. I was really hoping the Hugers were gonna end him then and there.

      1. Literally shedding a tear for superior Aussie house-husband Simon van Kempen (FYI Keith Urban Hendra comes second on that list!). Gloriously pretentious, wonderfully inept, and an actual empathetic human being, he was 100 times more fun than this peepaw. America’s loss is Australia’s gain!

        The way this Oz-bot lectured the Hugers on their finances… And then he got that extra EXTRA mini marriage boot-camp segment? He was totally dead-eyed during the music video (Candiace’s reaction OTOH was EVERYTHING) and when Ashley was talking about the baby. Just yikes.

          1. OMG Candiace. I choked.

            That Michael complimented Ashley’s singing voice demonstrates that he has never for a second actually listened to her song.

            Simon is of course god-tier yes.

  2. This was a good reunion, but strangely for the first time ever I wished this was a 3 part reunion? I just felt the potential for ~more~ and really not all that much was answered when you come and think of it. Gizelle looked like an absolute bitter idiot the whole time imo especially at the end. Looks like she won’t be changing her ways anytime soon. Shocked you didn’t mention the Katie Rost throwback! I’d be surprised if Charisse got another season, this reunion was tragic for her in every department.

    Somehow I left the reunion with even more questions about the Hugers and their marriage. I was shook at Ray hiring a PI on Karen 15 years ago I feel like there is so *much* baggage there. Not to mention Karen tried to set Charisse up with Blue eyes but then revealed at the reunion he was married??? Lul.

    1. Yeah, this is one of the rare reunions that really felt it could and should have been three parts; on the other hand, I’m generally opposed to reunion inflation (reminder that BH8 had a three-part reunion!!) so whatever.

      I of COURSE fell the fuck out when the editors graced us with a vision of Our Lady Katie.

      Re: Charrisse, I want to highlight her specifically saying that her divorce would be finalized by August; guess when filming for S4 started? Gizelle and Ashley ain’t the only thirsty ones here.

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