💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Orange County, S13E05

Someone getting loud and drunk at a poker table?! Well I never.

Tamra

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I was a little iffy about Tamra’s uptight reaction to Loud Gina or annoyance at the beautiful #Kannon relationship, but that shit with Eddie is really really real so I understand where it’s coming from. I also will never ever stop laughing at her scooter so.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ –  Beardless Ryan is freaking me out.

Vicki

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While Vicki/Briana drama is one of my favorite genres of Housewives conflict, Vicki/Michael comedy is one of my favorite genres of Housewives farce, so I suppose all is not lost with Mrs. Culberson’s exit. Have fun in Europe, Mike.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ –  Having Michael Dodd over for Thanksgiving is some brilliant Vicki shittiness. Only a few episodes before Kelly comes over to Vicki’s house only to find a towel-clad Michael wandering out of the guest bathroom.

Emily

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There’s really nothing to say about Emily so let’s focus on her horrid lumpy rat-gremlin of a husband *that she’s bearding for I’m so sorry to tell you* because fuck offff Shane. You signed the fuck up for Housewives and you don’t like “loud cackling older women” I mean buddy. Buddy. Shouldn’t you be off studying California law…💅🏻

Rating: ⭐ –  But yeah Emily still seems very forced and boring regardless so whatever. Those who can’t party party-plan, it seems.

Gina

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Yaaay a loud drunk boor! Yes I know we already have Kelly, but this is a redemption season for the Big Four so we need a newbie to step up and heaven knows Emily ain’t doing it (at least until she pulls off her hair and reveals Gretchen’s face on the back of her head). Also what the fuck franchise are we on that people are mad about somebody slamming too much fireball and cackling her larynx to bits?

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ –  I just realized this episode that Gina’s husband doesn’t even appear in her intro. We are never meeting him, y’all.

Kelly

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I’m as here for Slutty Kelly as I am for the Kelly who will never ever ever ever ever let this Vicki/Michael thing go. Sail on, Captain Id.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ –  Not to clown on Emily again but Emily’s own mother-in-law had more chemistry with Kelly Dodd than she had with Emily.

Shannon

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This ep was a fun little buffet of Shannonisms: slapstick workouts, teary insecurities, ridiculous costumes, vodka sodas with lime juice, and, of course, an obligatory Quiet Woman flashback. Her and Kelly’s callback to Mrs. Ropergate was exquisite fan service.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ –  Take that, Gina: Fun Shannon loooves talking about her vagina!

2 thoughts on “💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Orange County, S13E05

  1. Sad about Gina’s husband not appearing on the show, he’s easily one of the hottest husbands ever on bravo (not that that’s saying much).

    Everyone in Emily’s family is trying harder to be on the show than Emily herself. Impressive feat!

    At first I was *eye rolling* Tamra’s shit stirring and part of me thinks she would be threatened by Shannon/Kelly, but at the same time I understand where she’s coming from since the shit with Eddie seems very serious and if I had a friend who called me all the time to talk about their problems then didn’t call me about mine, I’d be annoyed.

  2. Ryan is like a completely different person. Not just the clean-shaven thing, his demeanour seems generally more chill. I liked that he was the one driving Tamra and Eddie to the doctor’s. He seems to genuinely respect Eddie.

    I was feeling for Kelly this episode, and IA Kannon is really beautiful and genuine — unlike when Vicki came over to *cough*molest*cough* hug Shannon hello, and Shannon basically looked like she wanted to do what Angela Merkel did to Bush once upon a time:

    http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2015/images/05/21/george.bro.gif..gif

    Not crazy about Lawn Guylind and thought she was putting on a show of pretending to be drunk. As for Emily’s little yappy chihuahua of a hubby, WTF did he think he was doing signing onto RHOC? He doesn’t like drunken cackling women? Did this fool never watch the show? Emily obviously did; she seems like a fan.

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