Part One was a relatively solid win for Bad Couch. What a world!
Candiace’s performance wasn’t bad *in show terms* per se; I think her liveliness and one-liners set her up well for a second season. But make no mistake, this was a solid hazing. Her fiance told her she “ain’t shit,” her mother doesn’t pay for her home oh wait she does, Miss United States is an off-brand joke, etc. *I* loved all this shit (and especially her white-hot loathing of Ashley (who was nevertheless invited to the wedding teehee)) but if we’re keeping score she’s firmly in last place.
I was a bit surprised about how hard on her heels Monique was thrown during this hour, but lightning strikes the highest point, n’est-ce pas? I almost suspect she had some jitters knowing that she’d be attacked, which explains why she was so defensive (something Andy himself pointed out, like thanks a lot bud), and I can’t imagine the pregnancy hormones help either oops.
An irritatingly competent performance. Monique is *obviously* absolutely right that Robyn is Gizelle’s lapdog, and I think she could have caught her dead-to-rights if she’d only brought up Robyn waiting for Gizelle’s permission to go to France, but instead we got Mo apologizing for her brother’s (I’m sorry HILARIOUS) meme page. I had a glimmer of hope when Andy pointed out that Robyn’s storyline is the same as it ever was but nothing came of that. Anyway dollars-to-doughnuts she gets ~30 seconds of airtime next week since Juan isn’t gonna show up For Reasons so don’t expect this unreasonably high ranking to last.
It’s hard to rank Karen on normal human metrics because she’s ascended to that Housewives realm (call it the Lu Zone) where it’s less about whether she’s right or wrong or good or bad and more about what a fabulous disaster she is. In ordinary terms, Karen was of coooourse a mess, but she’s a cartoon now, so of course when she stormed off in her fucking ridiculous poofy dress to have a possibly-fake sobbing panic attack about her dead everyone on Earth was riveted don’t lie to yourselves.
While it’s frustrating to me that people can’t adequately articulate just how sneaky and malevolent Ashley’s messy nature is, that’s also exactly why Ashley succeeds. You wanna dethrone the Queen of Thirst you gotta come with a whole reservoir of receipts. Uh, or something.
Yeah I did not expect this. Granted it’s partly because the Gizelle-specific segment is being saved for Part 2, but you also have to credit the woman herself for having an unusual amount of restraint. Maybe she finally realized that she has a glass jaw, but so far she’s used a deft touch to let her enemies fumble with their own issues instead of trying to bring them up herself. And, I’m sorry, as ridiculous and questionable as this concluding Karen meltdown was, Gizelle obviously gets points for being the comforter-in-chief.