The Real Housewives of Potomac – Reunion Pt. 1 Power Rankings

Part One was a relatively solid win for Bad Couch. What a world!

6. Candiace 

Candiace’s performance wasn’t bad *in show terms* per se; I think her liveliness and one-liners set her up well for a second season. But make no mistake, this was a solid hazing. Her fiance told her she “ain’t shit,” her mother doesn’t pay for her home oh wait she does, Miss United States is an off-brand joke, etc. *I* loved all this shit (and especially her white-hot loathing of Ashley (who was nevertheless invited to the wedding teehee)) but if we’re keeping score she’s firmly in last place.

5. Monique

I was a bit surprised about how hard on her heels Monique was thrown during this hour, but lightning strikes the highest point, n’est-ce pas? I almost suspect she had some jitters knowing that she’d be attacked, which explains why she was so defensive (something Andy himself pointed out, like thanks a lot bud), and I can’t imagine the pregnancy hormones help either oops.

4. Robyn 

An irritatingly competent performance. Monique is *obviously* absolutely right that Robyn is Gizelle’s lapdog, and I think she could have caught her dead-to-rights if she’d only brought up Robyn waiting for Gizelle’s permission to go to France, but instead we got Mo apologizing for her brother’s (I’m sorry HILARIOUS) meme page. I had a glimmer of hope when Andy pointed out that Robyn’s storyline is the same as it ever was but nothing came of that. Anyway dollars-to-doughnuts she gets ~30 seconds of airtime next week since Juan isn’t gonna show up For Reasons so don’t expect this unreasonably high ranking to last.

3. Karen

It’s hard to rank Karen on normal human metrics because she’s ascended to that Housewives realm (call it the Lu Zone) where it’s less about whether she’s right or wrong or good or bad and more about what a fabulous disaster she is. In ordinary terms, Karen was of coooourse a mess, but she’s a cartoon now, so of course when she stormed off in her fucking ridiculous poofy dress to have a possibly-fake sobbing panic attack about her dead everyone on Earth was riveted don’t lie to yourselves.

2. Ashley 

While it’s frustrating to me that people can’t adequately articulate just how sneaky and malevolent Ashley’s messy nature is, that’s also exactly why Ashley succeeds. You wanna dethrone the Queen of Thirst you gotta come with a whole reservoir of receipts. Uh, or something.

1. Gizelle 

Yeah I did not expect this. Granted it’s partly because the Gizelle-specific segment is being saved for Part 2, but you also have to credit the woman herself for having an unusual amount of restraint. Maybe she finally realized that she has a glass jaw, but so far she’s used a deft touch to let her enemies fumble with their own issues instead of trying to bring them up herself. And, I’m sorry, as ridiculous and questionable as this concluding Karen meltdown was, Gizelle obviously gets points for being the comforter-in-chief.


7 thoughts on “The Real Housewives of Potomac – Reunion Pt. 1 Power Rankings

  1. Gizelle wins these reunions because she deploys the same strategy every time: stay calm so that her detractors look crazier by comparison, and deflect everything. It’s a surprisingly effective reunion action plan. Kudos, Giz.

    I think Monique hyped herself up for this reunion so she had pre-planned all her defenses, and unfortunately it just made her seem even guiltier than she probably is. However, as loathe I am to admit it, Robyn is totally right that Monique was behind that meme. Monique would have been better served to just admit that she was mad at Gizelle and Robyn got caught in the crossfire.

    I completely disagree with your reading of Ashley. I thought she got her ass handed to her. Left Couch wasn’t letting Ashley get away with her shit. I do agree that no one can properly articulate what exactly Ashley does, so she can typically work her way out from under. (I hate Kenya Moore with the fire of a thousand suns, but that was a skill Kenya Moore possessed.)

    Finally, I must admit when I’ve been wrong. I’ve been hooting and hollering that Candiace wouldn’t get a second season, but I just saw on Lipstick Alley that Gizelle and Candiace were spotted filming season 4 in the DMV area. And I think she performed better than last place tonight; Candiace seemed ready to fight, and, unlike Mo, she tempered defensiveness with just a hint of self-awareness.

    1. I’m not too surprised if Candiace is back; she gives them good solo footage and is game to fight with the other ladies (as we saw last night), even if she usually loses. I was gonna say that it’s also probably challenging to scout new Potomac cast members but they’re 2/2 over the last two years so possibly not! Now fire or at least demote Robyn please please PLEASE.

  2. The Grand Dame still holds center court. That was a masterful piece of modern art from her and she’s ascended into goddess tier territory. The walk out had me SHAKING along with all her other karenisms throughout the reunion.

    I’m also living for Candiace’s delusions but I agree with her placement here. She looked ridiculous in the best way possible. Glad she checked Andy over asking her about her finance stuff. He was super messy and it was annoying.

    Gizelle showed shades of being a good housewife again this reunion, will it last though?

    1. Andy was VERY feisty in that reunion. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so quick to call out stuff like Ashley drinking so much beer or Monique being defensive. Interesting strategy that he probably developed from this historically being a somewhat cagey group, even though they’ve fortunately shed most of that this season.

      When Karen was about to walk out it occurred to me that the reunion walkout is such a storied genre that it’s hard to bring something new to the table, but she kinda did? I mean see above image. It worked on so many levels, from the visual to the emotional to the narrative (i.e., she obviously staged that shit to avoid hard questions teehee). A legend who has finally accessed the top of her game.

      1. Also the soundtrack like some sort of pretentious oscar bait film during her walkout was hilarious and of course the fact that Karen has somehow united nearly all parts of the fanbase in support of her despite being Karen Huger lol <3 Can't wait for her to reveal the cease and desist against Ashely next week (!) and those have a history of turning out well on this show.

  3. I am here for Karen, all day every day, and the way she left that Right Couch shook and shamed. I felt she was genuinely distraught about her dad, but I’ve been called naive before when it comes to a housewife or two.

    And I know Ashley is doing God’s (Pot-Stirring) Work, but she is so sly and ruthlessly thirsty in her ‘exposure’ of everybody. Like she thinks she’s a better person because she puts it all out there? She actually doesn’t — she cherry-picks the SLs which will make her look better (i.e.: helping mah poor momma / gimme a baby, manly-man Michael).

    You are so right, Gizelle’s cool & collected tactic worked very effectively, and that was a surprise. Ashley shakes the tree, but Gizelle picks up the fruit.

    Candy-ass earned her place in S4 imo. I see Charrisse is back next week, desperate to regain her place. LOL, ok, Cha-Cha.

    1. There’s so many layers to Karen’s delusions and strategies that I’m never quite sure what’s real to her in her own mind. I do agree that she was genuinely upset, but a big part of me thinks she was always gonna act out her grief once the going got tough. Either way I approve!

      Definitely agree on Ashley. I still like her, but cranking up the messiness and the contrived solo footage at the same time everyone else has finally gotten the picture and started being entertaining makes her come off as super desperate, where before she felt more naturally charismatic.

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