💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Orange County, S13E04

Okay, it’s not quite Tupac vs. Biggie, but we’ve got a new East Coast/West Coast rivalry on our hands.

Shannon

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I’m personally very excited to buy a pre-made, Shannon-devised meal of…cream cheese-stuffed salmon…from QVC. Dream bod here I come!

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ –  That said, I would absolutely, for real real, pay for a subscription service that periodically sends me Shannon meltdown montages like this episode’s.

Tamra

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Tamra wheeling around on that lil scooter is some of the finest physical comedy this side of, well, Vicki Gunvalson. Next time I sage my apartment I’m absolutely doing it on wheels, fuck walking around like some pleb.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ –  Taking Vicki with you to visit any medical professional is a ballsy move.

Vicki

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Ah, there’s our demon narcissist queen. The one-two punch of *insisting!!!* on respect from Kelly and denying Gina sandbox rights made for a fantastic buffet of Vicki nightmare tendencies.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ –  Hm I wonder who the source was for this June gossip item about Gina being demoted to Friend Of,

Emily

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If we have to put up with an entire season of “Shane studies for the bar”…I’m just saying, Mrs. Judge, ball is in your court to spread some nasty rumors about this weird-ass marriage.

Rating: ⭐ –  I think I’ve figured out what it is about Emily’s physical appearance that weirds me out; I’m off to check Jennifer Coolidge’s IMDB.

Gina

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Whew, some signs of life from a newbie! I like Gina’s Long Island energy, it’s unique and refreshing in the same way that Heather Dubrow’s Manhattan energy was unique and enervating. And of course any Vicki versus a hapless newbie conflict is absolute gold.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ –  If you’re looking for signs that the Tamra/Shannon/Vicki detente is fundamentally bullshit, look no further than the above-pictured rocking chair summit where Tamra’s basically prodding Gina to keep needling Vicki.

Kelly

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A fun light-hearted Kelly Dodd romp for those who shy away from her edgier material. I defy you not to just die at her summoning her ~spine doctor~ slampiece to touch tongues in each other’s mouths smack dab in the middle of a girls’ night out.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ –  Kelly’s obviously in the right in her conflict with Vicki but really the important thing here is that the situation never gets resolved and becomes as petty as possible over time. I believe that Agent Dodd is just the woman for this mission.

3 thoughts on “💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Orange County, S13E04

  1. This season isn’t great yet per se, but it’s such an improvement over last season I don’t care. I also am really vibing with Gina’s energy! It’s different from everyone else and i think being younger also helps with that too. As someone who lives on the west coast but attends school on the east coast, her confessionals about the difference really speak to me.

    Emily meanwhile remains super boring. I was almost eye rolling at her solo footage because it just seemed so staged/pre planned/I didn’t care. Like her mother in law though!

    Did anyone else think vicki’s sandbox talking head was relating to her having the ability to hire and fire housewives lul?

    1. UGH you just reminded me of Emily’s stupid scene asking her like eight-year-old daughter for advice on confronting Shane about taking the bar exam(?????) which was just the stupidest staged Gizelle Bryant shit ever. Don’t come to me with footage that contrived and silly how dare you this is a show where Tamra Judge routinely discovers fresh traumas and absurd extracurricular activities to bring to the table.

      I like Gina but her being the same age as Meghan King Edmonds feels uh incongruous.

  2. The flashback of Shannon not getting on with any new housewife. <3

    Gina was kinda telegenic this episode in her confessionals. I appreciated her disposition in contrast to the other ladies, especially since this seems like a hint at her being a huge mess later on in the season.

    Emily is boring but she's not awful. Some housewives take a while to unhinge (Aviva seemed… fine for about 1/2 of S5) or emerge in general (Sally from Melbourne, although she is a very rare breed of housewife). It's only episode 4 so I guess I'm just causally optimistic?

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