💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Potomac, S03E18 – The Finale

Finally a Pizzagate I can get behind.

Well there’s Season 3 wrapped up, minus the reunion (yes Monique kill them kill kill kill). In this strange dreamscape where Potomac is suddenly Good Now, who were the ultimate stars of the season and who should pack it up and head home to their sad condo? Uh, ahem.

⭐⭐

Robyn

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This Episode: Were we really served a Robyn scene that was essentially just a recap of a previous Robyn scene? This shit is beyond parody now, especially when you throw in Robyn’s takeaway from this season being that she and Juan are ready to start thinking about being more serious…but definitely not marrying yet no sir! Girl name an episode where that wasn’t where you two stood already. (Well okay there’s the one where Juan vented to some random producer that he CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE teehee but other than that.)

This Season: This was arguably Robyn’s best season, simply by virtue of the fact that the editors gave her sub-Charrisse airtime. Yes, you just watched Robyn’s best season; let that sink in.

Gizelle

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This Episode: Sorta feels like Gizelle was barely in this episode, so let’s use this space to reflect on the fact that she and Brandi Redmond were on WWHL tonight. Lake Superior couldn’t quench that much collective thirst.

This Season: It’s in my nature to give even the worst Housewives a new chance to win my heart with every new season, so I’ve inevitably had a Sisyphean relationship with Gizelle. Yet again she has shown us signs of panache, only to regress into her basic Green-Eyed Bandit bullshit. I suppose I’m numb to it by now but she really is such a tale of wasted potential. P.S. can you please just stop dating it’s getting embarrassing.

⭐⭐⭐

Ashley

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This Episode: Get. A. DIVORCE!!! Whatever I’m done talking about the creepier-by-the-episode Michael Darby, except to note the fabulously daft concept of a couple who were born four decades apart throwing a “dress like the decade you were born in” theme party.

This Season: We’re firmly into the growing pains portion of Ashley’s career, where she can’t rely on being the prettiest or most fun or most rootable Housewife on the show. Her solo footage is becoming an ever-bigger drag on her entertainment potential; I think she thinks we’re more interested in her marriage drama than we are. And while I of course enjoy a Housewife who’s deeply committed to trolling, it’s not as good a look when directed at a Monique rather than a Robyn.

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Candiace

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This Episode: Candiace used Paperless Post for her engagement party invitations you guys I used to work there!!! But I got laid off…so I’m glad they didn’t get mentioned by name on the show ☺.

This Season: I don’t know how the general viewership or production feels about Candiace, but I really like her, I hope she gets a second season, and I think she’s got sooo much potential for being fucking crazy going forward. Let her reeeally get to know these ladies; I think it ends in a bloodbath.

Monique

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🚨🚨🚨🚨 IMPORTANT UPDATE 🚨🚨🚨🚨

This Episode: Also a quiet Mo episode, so I suppose I’ll just say I wish her well on the new fetus.

This Season: All in all a pretty successful second season for Monique, even if she (naturally) faced a bit more resistance to her gentle under-the-radar scheming and general charm offensives. It’s easy to forget that she nearly killed herself drunk driving and nearly killed Robyn Dixon with an umbrella in this very season, and I admire Housewives who can cast that sort of amnesia spell over you (Ramona Singer I see you boo).

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Karen

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This Episode: “Ashley and Karen have the same exact fight about Karen’s finances for the 500th time” is absolutely my favorite genre of screwball odd-couple comedy. Although watch out, Ash; the producers themselves are rapidly rising in the ranks of Karen Huger sparring partners.

This Season: What can I say here? This was one of the finest one-season performances a Housewife has ever graced us with. She was messy, she was witty, she was delusional. She lied her ass off about nearly every aspect of her life (you could convince me that  Karen is not her real name at this point). She held an imaginary press conference at which the only food served was peanuts (unshelled) and participants were absolutely not allowed to use the provided pencils and paper to record her statements. Karen is the Queen of Potomac, who fucking cares if she doesn’t live there.

7 thoughts on “💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Potomac, S03E18 – The Finale

  1. I’ve finally caught up and binged Potomac so I have a lot of thoughts I can discuss now, yay! This was kind of a boring season finale in comparison to the standard of the rest of the season but we at least got a lot of Candiace solo footage which I always enjoy. The Robyn and Ashley footage? Not so much.

    That being said this season was really good and one of the best housewives seasons of the past year and really blows any non Dallas/NYC american franchise out of the water right now, which I didn’t expect going into this lmfao especially considering the cast didn’t really change all that much.

    I really hope that Candiace comes back for another season she was a *fantastic* addition to Potomac and should not be left out in the dust! She’s witty, she gives great talking head, her solo footage is decent at worst, etc. Bring her back! I don’t feel like she’s a lock to come back but I hope she does! At least she has Karen Huger and Monique endorsing her and hopefully that gives her some clout with production. it looks like she might have a memorable reunion from the looks of it as well but I don’t feel like her return is as safe as say the Monique’s and Margret’s of the worlds. I must also say “You must be weary, go to bed” is already ringing through my mind as my next clapback against anyone.

    Karen was a huge reason why this season was so much better she was really in her element here. I’ve always thought she had a lot of potential but thank goodness she really brought it here in full force and hopefully the reunion tops it all off. I can’t think of an episode where she didn’t deliver at least something, even if it was some small detail like setting the table in her eerie Great Falls manor she may or may not live in (<3 the ominous shots of it btw, especially the pool with the beach ball in it). God bless this woman and may she continue to reign as the Grand Dame for years to come! Also thankfully bravo recognizes this which might be even more important 🙂

    Robyn sucked, but thankfully she was fairly UTR overall in the grand scheme of things. I actually think she's the housewife most at risk of being fired/demoted because she didn't do anything unique this season and her role in the dynamics could easily be covered by just Ashley/Gizelle. Here's hoping it happens, but she survived season 1 AND 2 for seemingly no reason so…… #bringbackCharrisse

    Gizelle felt more tolerable to me this season. Maybe because the editors clowned on her so much that her and her entire alliance became so OTT villain like that it became almost funny to me? Or the fact that clearly no one is bothered by her so she can't inflict actual harmful damage like say Bethenny can in NYC? Either way it was more tolerable to me this season which doesn't mean she was entertaining, but for once I felt appreciative of her role in the dynamics.

    I still really like Ashley, but I hope she propels her solo footage forward at the reunion divorce Michael girl!! Otherwise her fights against Karen were the highlights of the season for me as far as verbal confrontations go. (the solo footage highlight obviously being anything involving Karen in her great falls house rivaled by Candiance's teary eyed meltdown over being called a princess) I could seriously watch them all day everyday and thankfully they started happening every episode by the end! Just hoping her solo footage gets better because her interactions with the other wives have always been great.

    Then there's Monique who's really just a great addition to the cast and housewived amazingly this season despite the fact there was significant ammo that could've been used against her then just… wasn't. I can't believe I almost forgot about her choking out Robyn with the umbrella already. But seriously casting struck gold with her and Candiace as new additions and I'm very happy she's having a third child after everything. I think the Samuels have to be the most normal, likable couple on any of the housewive franchises maybe rivaled by only D'andra and her husband. Either way I am rooting for them and feel oddly protective of her like you've expressed throughout the season. The reddit hate and conspiracies against her added to my love for her, especially the ones indicating she was committing child abuse by having strict schedules for her children to follow!!!!

    All in all, probably an 8.5 or 9 out of 10 season for me? It was enjoyable the whole 18 episodes and never really felt like it was dragging to me. Really the only things I can offer for improvement is ditching Robyn, and then hoping Ashley/Gizelle get better solo footage but I think otherwise this franchise is really on the right track moving forward and that's really nice to see after a bad season 1 and a relatively average season 2. I won't give up hope on Gizelle becoming a better housewife either.

    1. Other than Karen becoming a superstar I do think Candiace’s casting is the biggest part of Potomac’s sudden improvement. Her solo footage is easily way better than Gizelle’s and Robyn’s (and, frankly, Ashley’s this season), and adding a new younger woman/bumping Charrisse to Friend Of radically readjusted the cast dynamic away from being dominated by stuck-up middle aged women. All that alone is argument enough to keep her in my opinion.

      Ashley announcing her divorce at the reunion would more than make up for the Darby family bullshit this season, but I’m afraid the release of number-1 Billboard hit “Coffee and Love” would seem to preclude that.

  2. Even though we’ve spent the season half-heartedly watching her, I agree this was Robyn’s best season. She seemed more present and forthcoming. I’m glad she confronted Monique about that stupid meme; and, I’m further pleased that she and Ashley squashed their beef because it was yet another instance of Ashley causing friction for the sheer pleasure of watching the world burn (thank you Ashley, never change).

    Gizelle is a hateful, hypocritcal, beautiful monster, and although she hasn’t really brought much to the table in 3 seasons on the show, I find myself still wanting to like her. She instills some sense of good will capital in me that I’ve never had for similarly dry central-figure housewives like Kyle Richards. Maybe it’s her uncanny resemblance to my sole female crush, Vanessa Williams. At the very least, I’ll give her that she knows what show she’s on. Now if only her hair and wardrobe would catch up…

    Candiace did great for a freshman, but she sticks out so badly that I think this is it for her. It might be for the best. I followed her and Chris on social media briefly, and it’s clear neither of them are prepared for the public scrutiny, and they’re especially ill-prepared for the interracial politics that come with their new public personas. Monique had a great season; who even remembers the fact she was exposed for drunk driving a Bentley into a tree in the middle of the day? Ashley would take the crown for winning the season if it weren’t for the truest star in this galaxy, Karen.

    Karen has ascended to the ranks of Atlanta’s Phaedra, Dallas’ Kameron, and New York’s Luann. Beautiful, hilarious, delusional, constantly blurring lines between fact and fiction. They’ve created their own images and plow forward with a Snowpiercer-like momentum. They won’t hear a word of criticism against them but will not hesitate to thumb their noses at anyone they consider beneath them. Kudos, Karen! Mother, daughter, wife, entrepreneuse, icon (enterprises).

    1. Yeah, Gizelle definitely has a charisma that keeps me from totally giving up on her no matter how often she lets me down. I mean, at least once a season she pulls something HILARIOUS like the #freeuncleben #taxreform shirt and I’m like, fine, let this woman have her champagne glass.

      “Snowpiercer-like momentum” is amazing

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