Can you believe it girls, we got (to) the yacht! Did the moment live up to it’s hype? Sink below the jump and let’s discuss.
1. No downtime. I love when an episode doesn’t even bother with giving you a breather and this episode delivered an instant punch to the face. Clearly nobody was over the prior night’s dual fight and Dorinda especially seemed like she was still feeling the effects of “turning.” Luann was being a hilarious stooge with her big offended show about being called the Countess and gave us that underrated and already iconic quote about Queen Latifah and Lady Gaga. She was rightfully offended but the over the top delivery of it reminded me of her Countess days playing up the offense at every breach of etiquette. I know many people are horrified about Dorinda and her drinking but I am enjoying every moment of her villain turn. I don’t really care who’s wrong or right, just keep delivering it to my television screen.
2. Bethenny blather. As someone who can’t stand Bethenny and is all torn up about Carole quitting and how it’s playing out, I found this one of her least objectionable episodes this season. I cracked up when she was ranting and raving about Carole for surely the millionth time and then Carole walks up and everyone is tense and trying to signal Bethenny with their eyes but also they don’t really like B enough to stop her from putting her foot in her mouth. Dorinda also put her firmly in place when she tried to get involved in her beef with Luann so I can’t be too upset other than that she got to narrate the entire boat emergency.
3. Bikini blunder. Is there anything more Sonja Tremont Morgan than shamelessly wearing a bikini with tags still attached so she can get the best return when she brings it in for consignment? Instead of purchasing a bikini that has likely been urinated in by Ms. Morgan though, might I suggest you pinch your pennies and save up for a cameo? They are reliable gold.
4. Rehearsal. We only got a tiny slice of it before the ladies were rushed off to the boat, but I feel like Countess and Friends is going to be a real banger. Carole was so invested in their mini-rehearsal it was cute.
5. Nonchalance at sea. Tinsley insisting that the boat ride really wasn’t that bad killed me. Her description of how boats “slap the earth” over and over again after a few too many Tito’s and cranberrys was top notch. This is just how boating in Cartagena works okay, she’s been here 10 times, your boat always sinks. Even after it was all said and done she refused to admit that anything particularly bad happened juxtaposed with Carole saying it was scarier than Afghanistan.
6. Gift giving. I find it very fitting that upon leaving the cursed city of Cartagena the RHONY ladies made sure to literally smear shit all over the house from top to bottom as they all suffered violent diarrhea. I remember that picture of them surfacing in the airport with Ramona in a wheelchair that got all the speculation going and it turns out they were all just pissing out of their assholes.
1. Priorities. Am I the only one bummed we didn’t sacrifice the crew’s lives to get that boat footage? Signing onto being a RHONY crew member should be like a first responder type gig where you take an oath to risk your life to get the job done and wear a bodycam. It’s pretty hard for a moment to live up to the hype, especially when it’s a literal Titanic moment, but definitely the boat ride was a letdown. This was a great episode overall but the boat was really just a small part of it. I would have at least appreciated some footage of them all traumatized right after they finally made it back safely but maybe Bravo had to edit some shit down to avoid the alleged lawsuits being lobbed at them.
What did you think of the boat ride from hell?