💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Orange County, S13E03

The hottest housewife in Orange County: slippery when wet.

Kelly

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I keep trying to mock Kelly for soliciting advice from her middle-school-age daughter, but then I remember that Jolie is definitely more intelligent than her. So…good thinking, Kell!

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ –  Challenge: record the opening scene of dueling Kelly and Vicki screeches for use as your morning alarm.

Shannon

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I would one hundred percent watch a spinoff called Shannon Wears a Sombrero. She can mill awkwardly in an airport with a tray of tequila shots in a sombrero. She can offer a heartfelt confession about her love life in a sombrero. She can “skinny dip” in Spanx in a sombrero. The woman is the fucking Meryl Streep of sombreros.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ –  That this episode was the drunkest we’ve ever seen Shannon Beador is an awe-inspiring thought.

Tamra

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Reddit is all pissy that Tamra got so so so naked at the age of 50, she is a mother has she no self respect!!, etc., but bitches please if I look that good at 50 I’m chucking my clothes whenever I get the chance.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ –  We were all waiting, wincing, for Tamra’s injury; did anyone call “total naked wipeout on lineoleum” not being the cause of it?!

Vicki

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Puerto Vallarta is clearly the place where Vicki’s powers are at their greatest, which is why she travels there so frequently. I mean, I don’t know whether her feline familiar lives there or there’s a Hellmouth under it or what, but whenever she’s there she charms the pants off her friends, makes them forget her many past indiscretions, and winds up bonding with them on a deep emotional level. Actually scratch all that it’s probably just something the bartenders slip in the drinks at Andale’s.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ –  Why do I suspect that the frantic airport employee who scooped Vicki and Shannon and a bunch of shattered glass off the ground has done this all before?

Emily/Gina

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The natural pecking order was quite obvious this episode. The title says it all; this was about The Tres Amigas, with Kelly sneaking in with a little teary drama because that’s what Kelly does. And then there were these two, exercise and talking about their kids. Next.

Rating: ⭐ –  WHEN is Vicki gonna start terrorizing one or both of these ladies? Tapping my foot…

7 thoughts on “💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Orange County, S13E03

  1. MY TOWN! <3

    I am so glad the ladies are back to terrorize Puerto Vallarta. Tamra had me in stitches all episode, what a star. Vicki was also on her A game.

    I don't know if I see the new girls doing much, but they haven't interacted all in a group setting yet so I'll give them a bit more time to settle in.

  2. the vicki/tamra/shannon shit is pushing the limits of my suspension of disbelief tbh. it feels very staged to me, which lol i know, but even for this show and in a way that feels particularly patronizing. i’m cautiously optimistic about the new girls, though?

  3. The Real Housewives of Orange County moods:

    Tamra looking the way she does and getting naked arbitrarily – mood.

    Shannon waiting for her friends with a tray filled with shots, looking awkward as her friends are late – mood.

    Gina and Emily with their rambunctious kids – major birth control mood.

  4. This show has really become the Tamra/Vicki/Shannon show featuring Kelly in a supporting role and you know what…. I am perfectly ok with that. This franchise knows who its stars are and honestly those ladies just know how to have fun and be entertaining. Tamra’s body looks incredible why not show it off? People are such prudes *eye roll*

    That being said, Gina and Emily need to pick it up soon I can only be so patient and yes it’s only been 3 episodes but do we really think Emily is going to contribute anything relevant to the season? At least Gina divorces by the seasons end and presumably mapped out her storyline a la Ashley Darby. She also calls Vicki a loser at dinner based on a clip I saw on twitter so maybe there’s promise there but I think Emily will be the next OC one and done.

    P.S google pictures of Gina’s husband because he’s really hot and I wouldn’t have divorced that sis.

    1. Yeah, I don’t mind the focus being on our three stars with a side of Kelly…but you need the rest of the cast to pick it up if they’re gonna get solo footage too. Although I suppose OC always has one sort of useless/unlikable rando floating around so par for the course.

      I watched that Gina clip too, and oh man they’re gonna find her bones under the grotto.

    2. Emily does have a pretty good personality, we just haven’t seen any drama coming from her. Tamra/Shannon/Vicki is art at its finest on this show.

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