💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Potomac, S03E17

Ah, one last To Be Continued. God bless you, Potomac S3, you blueballing minx.

Monique

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The Samuels are actually starting to terrify me with how functional they are. Who made you this way?! Or, rather, didn’t fuck you up irretrievably in childhood. I suppose being fabulously wealthy helps.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ –  Can somebody explain the appeal of cigars to me?

Robyn

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I’d say “at least she provided content this time” but I don’t care about her content. Wow house flipping. If only a cable network existed that had 8 million shows about this subject.

Rating: ⭐⭐ –  “A dude from Pizza Hut” is the best capsule summary of Robyn Dixon I have yet to hear.

Ashley

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GET A DIVORCE AND STOP SPEAKING TO YOUR SHITTY MOM!!!! God, I mean, I still really like Ashley, and I *get* that she needs to generate solo footage, but holy shit girl you are pretty and smart cut off these vile parasites and live your best life!!!!! Who cares if you’re penniless as a result I guarantee you you will always have more money than Robyn.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ –  Wondering why they weren’t just eating the pizza is the most I’ve ever related to Ashley Darby. Also loved to see how deeply in her element she was when they started puzzling over how to pull their Karen scheme. This shit is exactly why Ashley signed up for this show.

Candiace

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I can’t even handle how many D’Andra/Dee flashbacks Candiace and her mom give me. Anyway I also want to use this space to discuss this article, in which *Robyn Dixon* claims that Candiace is a disappointing Housewife. G i r l .

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ –  More Crystal please.

Gizelle

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I don’t know was there really any specific Gizelle content this episode? I’m giving her and Robyn and Ashley all bonus stars because I’ve been eagerly awaiting The Pizza Delivery but I can’t think of anything else here I really care about.

Rating: ⭐⭐ –  Oh God, KAL, remember Kal? Simpler times (when I still thought I might like Gizelle).

Karen

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I liiived for the ominous shots of the Great Falls home, and equally too I lived for Karen’s summit with Matt (who’s gotta be the best Potomac supporting player at this point, right??). Mary Tyler Moore is kicking herself right now that she didn’t steal that scene of elaborately setting a dinner table for nobody in particular midday for Ordinary People.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ –  Honestly? We’re Great Falls truthers. Please subscribe to our YouTube channel.

4 thoughts on “💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Potomac, S03E17

  1. With regards to the Candiace situation, this is an excellent example of two opposing arguments being true. Yes, Robyn and Ashley behave differently in the absence of Gizelle’s negative presence; however, it is also true that Candiace is being swayed by Karen, and most specifically, Monique’s influence. I must applaud Monique’s work this season because she has delivered some Vanderpumpian levels of manipulation and made it look so easy and effortless. (LVP has a primetime soap opera villainess quality that makes her seem Machiavellian even when she’s being fairly genuine, whereas Mo just seems like she’s living her life.) Further, Mrs. Samuels has looked especially stunning, which I feel the need to comment upon for some reason.

    I don’t think Candiace will make a second season with this gang, which is a shame because I think she’s just unwell enough to deliver a lot more content for us down the road. Can you even imagine a full-blown wedding storyline? Kandi Burruss thought her mother was meddling? D’Andra Simmons thought her mother was undermining? Neither Joyce nor Dee ever had the nerve to call their children fat on national tv. I need 4 more seasons of this dysfunction.

    Finally, as lackluster as Gizelle’s solo material tends to be, were you not tickled by the producers flashing all her hair situations on camera? Seriously, I almost choked on my Pizza Hut and Bud Light during that montage of #choices.

    1. Oh I’ve LOVED the *multiple* times the editors have undermined Gizelle this season. (Flashback to the exposé of her lying about nobody waiting for Robyn at the French hotel.)

      As far as Mo, I can’t remember how explicitly I’ve stated this here, but yes, I agree that she’s a fabulous schemer. And the fact that she’s rich and VERY pretty really is relevant to it! It’s in our nature to want to like and trust people who seem that effortless and beautiful. I don’t think she does any of this shit maliciously, mind, but she definitely knows what show she’s on and what she has to do to get ahead on it, and has played it (mostly) very well. (Contrast this, again, with Gizelle, or even Ashley, both of whom know how to stir shit up but are much less talented at extricating themselves from the mess they’ve caused.)

      1. Oh, Ashley is putting in work, honey. She is throwing her co-stars, her marriage and her own mother (!) under the bus to generate content, and this degenerate gay thoroughly appreciates her contributions to the Academy of Reality Television Arts.

        I’m from the deep south, so Monique’s subtly shady ways really speak to me. It’s especially impressive because she’s a Garden State native. Conversely, Gizelle’s explicit hatefulness is a turn off. It’s just so artless and sweaty.

        I’m also glad that Mo has taken her foot off the pedal of “it’s so hard being so rich and not having a nanny and I’m so tired that I wrecked my Bentley and no I didn’t call Robyn poor but my fan account run by my brother who works for me and lives in my house called her poor y’all are some jealous tricks.” I don’t mind some braggadocio, but I don’t have time for the faux humility tacked on to it.

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