Slap on your pearls and your best fur; it’s time to salvage a broken friendship, then immediately break another one.
CAWFEE!!!!!! LOLOLOLOLOL. No really she seems fine. Not a lot to chew on for the time being though.
Rating: ⭐⭐ – Oh! Except for her husband who doesn’t live in the OC even. I wonder where this is going.
Ooh, so we’re jumping right into Michaelgate, huh? I’m always in favor of Kelly screeching and sobbing and carrying so I of course support this. Also this is a comically quick turnaround on the whole “Vicki discards you the second she no longer needs you” trope. Narrative economy at last!
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – Next week: Jolie is appointed the Avery Singer Memorial Lecturer on Comforting Emotionally Stunted Adults.
Not really in this episode, alas. Gonna go ahead and assume there’s a explicit codicil to her contract stating that she herself must invite Vicki to Puerto Vallarta.
Rating: ⭐⭐ – Distilled water: don’t leave home without it.
Sure, she and Eddie were mere accessories to yet another glorious Vicki performance, but it’s always good to have some amused/amazed/baffled/scared straight men to react to any Vicki performance, so kudos.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – Shout out to the Signature Drinks synergy the Judges gave us by preemptively ordering Vicki her Vickitini.
All hail our Satanic Majesty! Thank God Tamra and Shannon swallowed their pride to inflict this beast upon themselves and America for the *lightning strike* thirteenth time, because what a bounty this episode was. You had the typical Vicki bullshit where even as she knew she had to swallow her pride and apologize she was ****still**** dwelling on whatever esoteric wrongs Tamra and Eddie had done to her half a decade ago, sure, but that’s not all! Because even now in the year of our Lord 2018 Vicki Gunvalson is adding to her arsenal of uproarious terror with a handwritten set of quotes from
Deuteronomy Duderonomy about forgiving those you have trespassed against even if they also trespassed against you by calling you a con woman even though you were the one who was scammed but whatever never mind that I just wanna be us again. If only my bar mitzvah lessons had been this godly; I might not have eaten that salami sandwich for dinner.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Vicki is so great that her casually blowing up her friendship with Kelly by secretly going on double dates with Michael and his new gofo was her B-plot. LEGEND.
This weird-ass…”my husband was my Mormon boss and proposed to me over Gchat” thing seems promisingly weird, but until we start hearing rumors of his getting his dick sucked at The Round-Up or a Round-Up equivalent I’m not about it. Also her general demeanor and physiognomy is unsettling.
Rating: ⭐ – Shane looks like somebody pickled Diko Sulahian discuss.