💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Potomac, S03E13

L’enfer, c’est les mimes.

Ashley

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Any episode where Ashley is the least shady/dramatic person is both a pleasant surprise and a letdown.

Rating: ⭐⭐ –  Not exactly holding out for a single from this one, although I still rock “Tardy for the Party” so I guess talent isn’t a prerequisite.

Candiace

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Candiace’s premarital tensions with Chris shouldn’t be that interesting, but God help me I’m a sucker for anyone who casually drops the word “concubine.”

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – Karen is so ready to tempt Candiace into a life of crime and I’m here for it.

Gizelle

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Okay I’m sorry but we need to talk about Gizelle’s apparent conviction that she and Robyn are some unstoppable unit of entertainment and rootability. Wow can’t wait to see you two peel off from the rest of the group in Nice to eat baguettes, so much compelling repartee, slay me queens of spite, etc.

Rating: ⭐⭐ – God help me though that Karen lunch scene with the mime. My diaphragm is still recovering.

Karen

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I don’t know you guys, Karen is just perfect, well worth putting up with the first two seasons of whatevness. Her compleeeete disregard for Gizelle’s and Robyn’s very being, punctuated by apologies that even Ramona Singer would find a tad insincere, is the most beautiful fan service I can imagine. Continue to drive these maddening bores into paroxysms of resentment, please and thank you.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Again…the mime. This shit is my Infinite Jest.

Monique

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Monique is pretty clearly the protagonist of Potomac at this point, I think; the only other option we’ve ever had was Ashley, who’s got Bitch Tamra down but still can’t quite pull off Human Interest Tamra. God knows Mo’s not perfect, but the various little peccadilloes Gizelle or Charrisse or whoever bring to her plate on a nearly episodely basis only make them look bad, really. She’s just a woman out here with millions of dollars in the bank trying to survive in a dog-eat-dog world okay????

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Not to beat a dead horse but merely coming up with this mime gambit warrants five stars.

Robyn

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All you need to know about Robyn Dixon is contained in Gizelle Bryant declining an invitation to visit the south of France on her behalf.

Rating: ⭐⭐ – Copy/paste how hilarious the mime shit was. On the other hand, can we take a moment to note Gizelle joking about Candiace and Karen being unable to afford Louis Vuitton while sitting next to Robyn (and, uh, while being Gizelle)?

One thought on “💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Potomac, S03E13

  1. Candiace is a GEM. Truly a Real Housewife to watch. “Ashley is not going to pay her bills singing to Michael, but I appreciate it for what it is; a woman singing and performing at her husband.” is some Countess LuAnn-tier shit. I also loved Karen declaring that Candiace is over-the-top in a way that is cool and okay, because that’s a real distinction that needs to be made and I’m glad she was willing to articulate it.

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