💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Potomac, S03E12

Happy Father’s Day to all the deadbeats and sperm donors!

Robyn

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I feel like we were all waiting for there to be some more entertaining context to Robyn shouting “LIAR!!!” at a retreating Karen but, as always with Ms. Dixon, there was actually less to it than it appeared.

Rating: ⭐ – How dare you fuck with the immortal friendship of Monique and Charrisse that I only learned of ~two months ago.

Ashley

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LMAO if Ashley’s pretending to be legitimately shocked that she’s Michael’s trophy wife/that he’s been manipulating her with the continually postponed promise of offspring, but whatever any plot progress is progress sure.

Rating: ⭐⭐ – Would 100% order an Oz Painkiller and the Chicken & Donuts.

Candiace

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Candiace’s wheedling and haggling with her father to get more Ks of sweet sweet wedding funds would have been enough, but the coda of her fucking insane argument with Chris about being called a spoiled princess, featuring artful tears-in-the-mirror and peering-through-a-doorway camera shots really made it for me.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – “Sorry for…referencing your sperm donor. He’s not cool…” is the best apology I’ve heard in a while.

Gizelle

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I imagine a better Housewife could have pulled it off (paging Tamra), but the lame horse-face jokes about Kyndall just felt like another sad, tryhardy Gizelle Bryant put-on.

Rating: ⭐ – I hate that Gizelle always cons me for the first few episodes of a season, only to turn out to be basic as shit yet again as the episodes progress. GET A NEW SHTICK WOMAN.

Karen

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Of fucking course she immediately called security on Gizelle and Robyn. What could they possibly have been expecting? Annnyway that fucking owned five stars achieved.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – I for one fully believe her charitable endeavors are above board now stop asking her about them~

Monique

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Every franchise has at least one Housewife that I feel oddly protective of (paging Shannon), and Monique is gradually becoming the Potomac version. I don’t know where Charrisse got it in her head that Mo was using her. I DO know why Robyn is promoting the idea (JEALOUSY!!!! GET A REAL HOUSE ROBYN). But regardless I find it irksome. Monique is an angel who’s just trying to save hurricane victims and bring the healing power of ginger to the masses. Let her live her absurdly privileged life you FIENDS!

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – This seemingly unbreakable Karen/Monique/Candiace alliance that’s formed is gonna make for a hilaaarious reunion.

4 thoughts on “💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Potomac, S03E12

  1. Candiace’s scorched earth text message to Chris was one of the most savage burns I’ve ever heard. I didn’t think she had it in her. Yikes.

  2. Potomac is such an interesting franchise to me right now because I LOVE Karen, Monique, and Candiace and Ashley brings plot relevant tv moments (though I’m not a fan of her allying with Robyn and Gizelle obviously). But Robyn and Gizelle are both totally awful soul sucking demons.

    This episode solidified Candiace as one of my faves I just think she makes everything better with her reactions, talking heads, etc. I could watch her plan her wedding all day everyday.

    I’m *very* pleased that Karen/Monique/Candiace have decided to form an iron clad alliance. It seems rare for my faves to align like that against the awfuls but thankfully it’s happened. I’m sure they’ll deliver plenty at the reunion lmfao, especially if past reunions are to go off of where Karen has *always* been at her craziest until this season.

    1. Yeah, I’m beginning to develop a true animus for the Green-Eyed Bandits, who by the way do NOT deserve to have a nickname that colorful. In a perfect world, you fire them in favor of promoting Charrisse and bringing on a newbie. (Or, you know, bringing back QUEEN KATIE ROST but fate isn’t that kind alas.)

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