Highs and Lows: You Broke the Penal Code – RHONY

This week’s more drama-lite episode has everyone reacting to the news of Luann’s arrest but it really allows some of the other ladies to shine.

Highs:

1. Reactions to Lu. I love when something big happens and they go through the entire cast to get their reactions. I think Carole’s most closely resembled my (correct) reaction to her arrest which is bemusement, rapid googling and picturing the scene as hilarious chaos. I liked how they all referred to her rehab as being “away” because it reminded me of Jersey when Teresa flipped out at Jacqueline for actually saying jail instead of  going away. Shout outs to everyone else though keeping a straight face and pretending they are very concerned about poor Luann except…

2. Tinsley. Wow, we just needed somebody else to get arrested to bring out the best in our Tins. She had me in stitches. “Having been in Palm Beach handcuffs before, I don’t know how you escape them.” Might I suggest having the skookum (shouts to Tay) strength of an Amazonian French Canadian/Native American? Perhaps you don’t need to slip them when you only have a misdemeanor rather than four felonies. Anyway I actually think a drink is exactly what I need after being arrested for drunken disorderly behavior so yes please I’ll have a double with a side of Dale. I can’t tell if she’s relieved that she is no longer the most notable arrestee in the cast or jealous her thunder has been stolen.

mugs

3. Legend. Uh, Sonja has no need to be involved in any storyline because her mere existence is the most insanely entertaining shit on earth. Her fucking bed holy shit I about died with that slow pan from all the plastic covered furniture to her in the plastic draped four post bed scattered with an array of assorted shit including like 40 pairs of glasses she almost certainly has been hoarding for 15 years. “These are the ones I wore while yachting with the Prince of Sweden!” As if that true glimpse into the chaotic life at Morgan Manor wasn’t enough, then she made that hellacious Anorexia Swill party a delight by strolling in demanding an olive since she hasn’t eaten anything all day and proclaiming her veganism then filling her pockets with every type of shellfish from the raw bar. I’m still shipping her and that faux-waiter.

4. Penthouse and purses. Tinsley showing up Sonja while also still deferring to her was great. She showed her how to be a great hostess by having the hotel comp a penthouse for her which conveniently would keep her out of her hair… Then she gave her that Louis bag, probably just some castoff Scott got her of course. Overall a great Tinsley episode!

Lows:

1. Inclusivity. Nothing really stuck out to me at the jeans launch party aside from Sonja’s supernova performance (and Bethenny trying to turn around the Nutcracker thing to Dorinda’s Puerto Rico disaster dinner), but I did die at the notion that a brand called Skinnygirl is all inclusive. Just because you make plus size jeans doesn’t mean the entire notion behind your brand is promoting body issues! I actually used to live with this girl who was strikingly similar to Sonja Morgan (I was Tinsley in this scenario) and she loved Skinnygirl margaritas but it wasn’t because it was low-cal but rather she didn’t really like flavour in her food and bev so she appreciated it’s diluted blandness.

2. B awful. You knew it was coming. It’s why you come here to read this! Welcome to the official Bethenny Sucks and Legitimately is Wrong representative of Housewives coverage. Her’s and Carole’s lunch was infuriating. I hate the way she enters every scene and is immediately shooting off 100 words a minute about her insane hangover to get all of the attention on herself. I’m not sure how anyone could honestly watch this and continue to think Carole is being a petty bitch. I do think I’ll be stealing “that’s a lot” for the next time I receive an unbalanced text barrage because it’s perfect. I can just imagine the insanity of receiving 3000 messages from Bethenny when you asked for some space because uh, look at how she speaks. Aside from that, B’s tact in this argument was insane and just turning around everything Carole said about her in the Berkshires about debating and minutiae. B gone vile wench!!

3. Injustice. I would just like to take this moment to also put my opinion of Luann’s arrest to (digital) paper for the records. While I am appreciative of the hours and hours of entertainment I have gleaned from the news cycle and it now airing on the show, I am also officially Team Luann was Wronged. Can’t a woman get loaded and fuck a man in a hotel room like the goddamn adult she is? Okay, okay it wasn’t exactly her room but she already paid for one in the hotel, so close enough? Nothing worth calling out the popo for. That officer was asking to be hit by the door because he cornered poor Lu. I say disrespect them all Luann, slip every set of handcuffs (you learn your way around them when you’re dominating short French men) and keep them on their toes. At least you won in the end, you got off almost scot-free.

2 thoughts on “Highs and Lows: You Broke the Penal Code – RHONY

  1. I initially thought that Tinsley inviting Sonja to stay with her, then getting Sonja her own damn suite so she can avoid, you know, actually having to deal with Sonja’s presence for any prolonged period of time was pure genius. But then I realized that Sonja ain’t ever leaving that room.

  2. Bethenny needs to be fired I don’t think I can handle her solo footage anymore nor her attack methods with the ladies. Luckily Carole can take her down and I do *think* a majority of fans are on her side, but it still worries me to see people still mindlessly like Bethenny because I do not understand it at all, especially when she’s ENTIRELY in the wrong with the Carole thing. That’s a lot is the perfect response to someone text barraging you over the holidays and sending you texts gossiping about someone else in the friend group. I found it tacky to say she was alone too to Jill Zarin in the preview for next week :/ (although is it really as craven as Jill Zarin filming her husbands funeral to try and get back on RHONY?)

    Loved every single minute of Sonja and Tinsley footage this week. Sonja is really an (underrated?) constellation.

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