This week’s RHONY was so good it has intermittently thrown my power out for 3 days. Worth it.
1. Losers. Luann absolutely stole the fight scene (and episode, really) in the Berkshires. Drunkenly ranting about Adam being an operator in the background of Carole and Bethenny arguing is exactly how I want my Luann. I agree that if Luann is a loser then the world is fucked. Sadly the world is fucked, so I guess you’re a loser Luann. I definitely appreciate the season’s running motif of Luann being belligerently drunk in the background of everything considering…what’s coming up very shortly!
2. Lady Salad. Boy does Dorinda ever know how to be a hostess. While Carole and Bethenny were having it out in their bedroom everyone else was partying it up having the time of their lives. Plus we got a Dorinda cake smash while the candles were still lit. Compare it to Bethenny’s sterile, generic Christmas party later in the episode. Ooh explaining a White Elephant party to us in 2018, you’re so cool Bethenny.
3. Sink sex. Some people may not be here for Sonja’s pointless little solo scenes but let it be known I am not one of those people. I want to hear every word of Sonja’s stories when she brought the “hedge funds” over to fuck her on her sink and rip the towel rack from the wall. Sonja is a damn national treasure. I am also on the edge of my seat for Sonja and Tinsley roommates 2.0. It’s destined to be a disaster and we all know it.
4. Charitable acts. While Bethenny is busy acting like she is the first person to ever make a charity, Luann was here to remind us how she was there first in Florida, handing out supplies with the Red Cross from a truck. Then she gets all the girls together for a blood drive, which absolutely none of them were eligible for. Worth the effort though, because the amount of gossip and stirring at the blood drive was amazing. Sonja bringing up Bethenny calling Carole sad (your alliance, B), Ramona bringing up the lack of thanks for the nutcracker and Carole bringing up B’s hypocritical slam on Ramona’s skincare line. Then to polish off a great group event, Ramona and Sonja loudly discuss their preferred fecal consistencies.
5. A call too far. Forget the Brooklyn Bridge. Well no, don’t forget it. But, we’ve got another Ramona undressing to add to its upper echelon in housewife reads. Ramona dragged Bethenny on that phone call and I was hanging onto every facial twitch and “ordacity” she uttered. Ramona is always right! Seriously, go back and rewatch RHONY and tell me one thing she was wrong about. Sure, her social skills are lacking but everything she has ever rudely said to someone was correct.
6. Off to South America. To bookend a fantastic Luann ep, she’s off for warmer pastures this holiday season. Just a quick stopover in Florida before she heads down to Chile and Argentina. But then… the clouds roll in. Sirens in the distance. Holy fuck, we’re getting the Luann arrest. Adding in the dash cam and hearing footage was absolutely savage, and that long cut of her mugshot was breathtaking. Can you believe this is the production team responsible for RHOA?
1. Disingenuous. Carole, I can’t imagine how frustrating it is to fight with Bethenny because I was ready to leap through my screen and strangle her. Yeah, it was shady to throw out the Luann is a loser dig but I thank her for it. I never really care who is right or wrong in an argument as long as it is entertaining me. But I’m invested in this one. When Bethenny started rambling 300 words a second about toothpaste I knew I liked her less than I ever have. When her and Carole went up to hash it out alone and she tried to play off Carole being into fashion and selfies as what is distancing them I was ready to scream. It’s bullshit. Bethenny is insecure that Carole has Tinsley and she will do anything to avoid admitting the truth.
2. Missing gratitude. Want to fall down the rabbit hole? Go follow any of the nutcracker discussion threads on reddit. It is a shitstorm. I’m Canadian as fuck and say please and thank you 30 times ordering a coffee so the entire time I was watching I was waiting for Bethenny to thank Dorinda. It’s what you do! It’s effortless! Saying thank you to a friend is not a burden. And when your friend expresses that she felt underappreciated, you don’t write blogs making it clear you think she didn’t deserve appreciation. You just apologize and say thank you. Everyone has a lot to learn from Ramona, but especially Bethenny. If she could learn to rapologize or say thank you, she’d probably have a lot more than the zero friends in her life. At least she is always right, right?