Highs and Lows: Holidazed and Confused – RHONY

This week’s RHONY was so good it has intermittently thrown my power out for 3 days. Worth it.

Highs:

1. Losers. Luann absolutely stole the fight scene (and episode, really) in the Berkshires. Drunkenly ranting about Adam being an operator in the background of Carole and Bethenny arguing is exactly how I want my Luann. I agree that if Luann is a loser then the world is fucked. Sadly the world is fucked, so I guess you’re a loser Luann. I definitely appreciate the season’s running motif of Luann being belligerently drunk in the background of everything considering…what’s coming up very shortly!

2. Lady Salad. Boy does Dorinda ever know how to be a hostess. While Carole and Bethenny were having it out in their bedroom everyone else was partying it up having the time of their lives. Plus we got a Dorinda cake smash while the candles were still lit. Compare it to Bethenny’s sterile, generic Christmas party later in the episode. Ooh explaining a White Elephant party to us in 2018, you’re so cool Bethenny.

3. Sink sex. Some people may not be here for Sonja’s pointless little solo scenes but let it be known I am not one of those people. I want to hear every word of Sonja’s stories when she brought the “hedge funds” over to fuck her on her sink and rip the towel rack from the wall. Sonja is a damn national treasure. I am also on the edge of my seat for Sonja and Tinsley roommates 2.0. It’s destined to be a disaster and we all know it.

4. Charitable acts. While Bethenny is busy acting like she is the first person to ever make a charity, Luann was here to remind us how she was there first in Florida, handing out supplies with the Red Cross from a truck. Then she gets all the girls together for a blood drive, which absolutely none of them were eligible for. Worth the effort though, because the amount of gossip and stirring at the blood drive was amazing. Sonja bringing up Bethenny calling Carole sad (your alliance, B), Ramona bringing up the lack of thanks for the nutcracker and Carole bringing up B’s hypocritical slam on Ramona’s skincare line. Then to polish off a great group event, Ramona and Sonja loudly discuss their preferred fecal consistencies.

5. A call too far. Forget the Brooklyn Bridge. Well no, don’t forget it. But, we’ve got another Ramona undressing to add to its upper echelon in housewife reads. Ramona dragged Bethenny on that phone call and I was hanging onto every facial twitch and “ordacity” she uttered. Ramona is always right! Seriously, go back and rewatch RHONY and tell me one thing she was wrong about. Sure, her social skills are lacking but everything she has ever rudely said to someone was correct.

 

6. Off to South America. To bookend a fantastic Luann ep, she’s off for warmer pastures this holiday season. Just a quick stopover in Florida before she heads down to Chile and Argentina. But then… the clouds roll in. Sirens in the distance. Holy fuck, we’re getting the Luann arrest. Adding in the dash cam and hearing footage was absolutely savage, and that long cut of her mugshot was breathtaking. Can you believe this is the production team responsible for RHOA?

Lows:

1. Disingenuous. Carole, I can’t imagine how frustrating it is to fight with Bethenny because I was ready to leap through my screen and strangle her. Yeah, it was shady to throw out the Luann is a loser dig but I thank her for it. I never really care who is right or wrong in an argument as long as it is entertaining me. But I’m invested in this one. When Bethenny started rambling 300 words a second about toothpaste I knew I liked her less than I ever have. When her and Carole went up to hash it out alone and she tried to play off Carole being into fashion and selfies as what is distancing them I was ready to scream. It’s bullshit. Bethenny is insecure that Carole has Tinsley and she will do anything to avoid admitting the truth.

2. Missing gratitude. Want to fall down the rabbit hole? Go follow any of the nutcracker discussion threads on reddit. It is a shitstorm. I’m Canadian as fuck and say please and thank you 30 times ordering a coffee so the entire time I was watching I was waiting for Bethenny to thank Dorinda. It’s what you do! It’s effortless! Saying thank you to a friend is not a burden. And when your friend expresses that she felt underappreciated, you don’t write blogs making it clear you think she didn’t deserve appreciation. You just apologize and say thank you. Everyone has a lot to learn from Ramona, but especially Bethenny. If she could learn to rapologize or say thank you, she’d probably have a lot more than the zero friends in her life. At least she is always right, right?

7 thoughts on “Highs and Lows: Holidazed and Confused – RHONY

  1. So glad you’ve finally articulated your Ramona Theorem here.

    Tinsley is still a junior partner in this cast, much as I love her, buuut at the same time has anyone ever effortlessly trolled another human as much as she has Bethenny solely by being friends with Carole? She clearly just…wants to be friends with Carole, and yet by doing so might accidentally drive Bethenny off the show. When will your faves…

  2. yeah, my biggest takeaway from rewatching rhony was that once you get past the way ramona… well, is, she’s the smartest member of the cast. i’ve seen bethenny compared to s3 jill for all of this shit, and i see it, but ACTUALLY, she’s doing a great job of becoming kelly bensimon, too. that grossly abusive “carole you’re scaring me right now! 🙁 ” she attempted at the dinner table was clearly a projection of her own creepiness. amazing how a woman who only 3 years ago was battling homelessness would take the nutcracker for granted.

  3. Let me take this time to rant about the Bravo reddit.

    Majority of the userbase seemingly wants the RH franchise to be full of morally correct housewives who are always in harmony with their castmates or they want ‘lifestyle porn’ with no substance. It’s as if they forgot what show they are watching? I can’t.

    Then, you have thread after thread, post after post, of the reddit being passive aggressive and bemoaning a certain housewife. Erika (since Hong Kong) and Carole (since the Jules era of NYC) are great examples. Dissertations are written on them in such a trite unfunny manor. Worst of all is just how boring the commentary is. “I dislike Carole because … ” then followed by a bunch of replies where a poster somehow makes it about them or they’re all vicariously agreeing with another, usually sounding smug or corny af.

    On the other side of the spectrum they hold the most boring non-telegenic housewives on pedestals. Teddi, Kathryn, fucking Joyce?! (notice all the BH one-and-dones) Could you imagine a line up of women similar to them in a series?

    I feel like there is more to say, but a full elucidated analysis isn’t worth it.

    1. Yeah it’s a real shame because I don’t know anywhere else to find housewives discussion online so I keep going back to reddit.

      It all boils down to them being a bunch of emotionally scarred oversharing basics who want housewives who are boring (like them) instead of the entertaining lunatics I’m more drawn to.

      They have their obsessions for sure. Brielle posts daily. Erika posts 5x a day during BH. Now it’s Carole’s turn. I find the Carole mania particularly deranged just because…Carole is so normal. Sure she isn’t faultless but she’s so uncontroversial. I can’t imagine hating her that much but I guess when you’re a B-stan comparing your therapy sessions you need someone to demonize so you can be the victim.

  4. Reddit is really not readable w/r/t Bethenny. I don’t get how any sane person can watch and come to the conclusion that she’s right? Bethenny is rude as fuck and she’s not the judge, jury, and opinion on everyone in the fucking cast and people are finally fighting back and they’re the rude ones ganging up on Bethenny? Just no. If you can’t take it don’t dish it. Everything Ramona said was true about her and Bethenny really can’t keep a friend to save her life. It’s utterly pathetic and she openly admitted that it’s basically about Tinsley which lol. She’s 50 years old or something can’t she learn to let her friends have other friends like every other sane person? I think the moment I was most frustrated by her is her constant Ramona bullying (Yes, bullying) and saying she shouldn’t be doing an infomercial like what the fuck Bethenny? You got your entire career started because you spent your time on the show hawking your brand off. It’s even in your tagline this season like what even….. Just shows how self centered she really is. Hope she quits next season.

    This was an amazing episode anyways hate to focus on the negative. Luann had like 5 iconic scenes all in one episode. I just need Bethenny to be dealt justice at the reunion or later in the season. Lol @ reddit believing that Bethenny will bring “receipts” to the reunion that will prove her right. Like what receipts are their to bring? Her alliance won’t do shit either like Luann and Sonja are going to be helpful lmao.

    Just say fucking thanks to Dorinda and her blog is disgusting and I didn’t even open it. I get the feeling Dorinda was relaying more about Bethenny just being disingenuous all the time to begin with but it proves her point.

    1. Trying to pursue her Ramona vendetta into a new season is the sort of miscalculation I used to think Bethenny wouldn’t make, but here we are. Never underestimate the Singer Stinger.

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