Are we getting a Candiace wedding as our finale? Because I feel like that would be a fun weird mess. Anyway, Dorothy is right to suggest that all men are scum; I have a hunch that Chris will cheat (or has already cheated) on poor dear Candiace. (Although that’s not exactly a daring statement to make about a Housewives husband, is it.)
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – Round tables, Candiace. Always go round.
That megachurch preacher “method acting” was some next-level attention whoring, even by Gizelle standards. And holy moly do I not care about Sherman. His contract expired. Deal with it.
Rating: ⭐ – The word on the street is her shit’s going straight to e-book.
I absolutely ate up the George Costanza’s Hamptons House level of bullshittery from Karen this episode. Conjuring this fragrance line out of thin air, including its “discovery” status, then deciding, what the fuck, better follow through on this and throw together an entire damn event out of thin air is the Huger genius I’ve come to expect and cherish this season. That it ended in her evicting and calling security on her guests because of argument that she for once had no part in only makes it more exquisite.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – I’m also officially in LOVE with Matt, Karen’s “assistant” (Bravo’s scare quotes, not mine!). It all clicked for me when the perfume expert (AKA probably Karen’s British friend she uses when she needs someone who seems like an expert) asked Matt to intervene in the Martinigate argument, and he gently leaned forward then immediately sat the fuck down again the second her back was turned. He’s a g-d one-man Team Sonja.
P.S. Immediately before going to e-press I remembered Karen refusing her college degree oh man I need some smelling salts.
So I fully believe that Monique was drunk when she crashed that car. I don’t care if she’d only had two martinis; I’ve got great tolerance and I absolutely would not drive on two martinis. And uh “I vomited because of the cigar” is…not persuasive. However, I do feel her in being infuriated with the faux concern being stirred up against her. Ashley and Robyn and Gizelle do not care about her r u kidding me. And of course, on a televisual level, somebody starting an argument that gets the entire cast kicked out of a Scent Event and culminates with a sidewalk death threat centering on umbrella-induced asphyxiation is an immediate winner.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – And now for the revenge thriller where Mo and Ashley’s mom gang up to take her down.
Considering she’s The Boring One, Robyn has an impressive resume of getting in women’s faces and nearly slapping the shit out of them. I appreciate that the show seems to finally understand how to use her—i.e., sprinkled in here and there as a random antagonist in interpersonal conflicts who gets nearly no solo footage—but on the other hand, we already have Charrisse here doing the same thing better…and SHE is only a Friend Of!!!! Also Juan’s back next week so I’m guessing we’re back to Square One YET AGAIN.
Rating: ⭐⭐ – I will say that Robyn has a bangin’ bod; she should stop hiding her light under frumpwear.
There’s a lot to unpack here, as is typical of Ashley, I suppose. Let’s start with the unambiguous good; inventing Kurn Hugur was shady as hell, but also hilarious, and Karen was admirably good-natured about it. With that out of the way, this was a bit of a turning point for Ashley as a character. This season’s tagline can be viewed as her overall mission statement: she’s here to stir shit up and keep these sometimes crusty ladies on their toes. For the first two seasons this was a godsend; without Ashley, Potomac would have essentially been all about who didn’t RSVP to what.
Now, though…while I admire the Tamra Judginess of Ashley’s overall take-no-prisoners shit-stirring, I felt annoyed by her trolling for the first time tonight. Accusing someone of alcoholism is heavy shit, especially a supposed friend and ally who was never gonna gun for her. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad she did it, this ep was lit, etc., but at the same time…don’t act all innocent with Mo. She knows, you know, we all know that you were being a shady POS. Concern trolling looks good on nobody.
Oh yes there was also some shit about her family. Her mom seems like a real piece of work, huh? No wonder Ashley is like this.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – This probably got lost in the shuffle, but there’s a moment when Candiace intends to talk about Monique’s BAC and accidentally says BMI and Ashley’s horrendously condescending about the slip-up, and it reaaaally ground my gears (perhaps because I’ve been viewing so much Heather Dubrow lately).