💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Potomac, S03E07

Charrisse watch: oh man. The shit-stirring about Blue Eyes and Ray seeking a divorce(!) would be enough, but then she also throws in little hilarious/absurd asides like “I know you feel the way that you feel about your feelings” and I’m just spent. Truly a star from beyond the grave.

Ashley

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At last we have an end in sight to her mama drama, and now that we’re here, the answer feels so straightforward, doesn’t it? Sure, Michael’s a bit of a controlling drip, but Ashley’s mom really is essentially a selfish jerk. Cut her off!

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – Look, Monique didn’t even know there was gonna be a lunch after happy hour, okay?

Candiace

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An admirable coda to last week’s hail of gunfire against any and all comers. I deeply appreciate her LOUDLY REHASHING HER ARGUMENT over the phone to Chris through the paper-thin wall separating her room from Mo’s.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Monique’s gotta be careful, though; Candiace is a useful weapon, but she can’t keep her mouth shut.

Gizelle

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Gizelle you need a storyline. “Where’s Sherman?” is not a storyline. “I’m Candiace’s secondary or tertiary antagonist” is not a storyline. Pairing smartass comments in confessional with silly gifable body language is not a storyline. Don’t you have a book you should be working on, writer girl?

Rating: ⭐⭐ – The “cheerleader” shit is getting tired, hon. We’ve all watched Brandi Redmond in action; we know the terrifying depths that cheerleaders can stoop to.

Karen

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Another tour de force from the Grande Dame. What was your favorite iconic Karen moment this episode? Mine was her responding to Charrisse’s admonition to use “our fine restaurant voices” by stage-whispering Robyn? …shut the fuck up, but I also understand if you’re more partial to, say, her matter-of-factly admitting that Ray asked her for a divorce. (Lady sure knows how to set up a To Be Continued.)

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – I really and truly want to believe that she was audacious/dumb/God-knows-what enough to drop some PDA with her lover at fucking Oz of all places.

Monique

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Maybe it’s alcoholism; maybe it’s Maybelline. Or whiplash. Whatever. Monique doesn’t drink too much. She can house five martinis and still run eighteen charity events okay?

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – For real, Monique just barely escaped some hairy situations this episode. She needs to drink less in Ashley’s presence and be just a little more discreet in how she strategizes in general. I truly believe she can mastermind this group if she exercises less trust and more wariness. You know what Ashley’s capable of, Mo; don’t give her an inch. (I mean, please do, it’s entertaining, but yknow.)

Robyn

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Finally, more stirrings of something interesting from Robyn. Her affection for Candiace should lead to a good old rift in the group, it’s always fun when she’s the inexplicable target of Karen’s incoherent resentment, and I appreciated the simple elegance of her Martinigate shit-stirring. More please! Just evict Juan from your home and this show, my dear, it’ll be ever-so-easy!

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – I mean honestly it would be okay with me if she were simply banned from ever going home at all.

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