Oh Monique Samuels we love you get up.
My thoughts on the Robyn Dixon experience in a single caption.
Rating: ⭐ – “You can’t be mad at people asking follow-up questions.” ROBYN. Robyn Dixon. Excuse me.
I’ll always enjoy Ashley’s personality on a baseline level, but I’m afraid my complaints are becoming routine: just…no with the Mom-or-Michael shit. It’s uncomfortable and not entertaining. It’s also reaaally damaging my feelings on Michael, whom I used to view as one of the quirkier/more harmless husbands in the canon. Stop being such a controlling dickwad!
Rating: ⭐⭐ – Still, she gave us pissing in the woods and helped instigate that fabulous lunch argument, so.
Oh fuck yes. A favorite reality television archetype of mine is the bystander who, given a throwaway piece of advice by a friend to stick up for themselves more, decides that, yes, you’re right, let me go on an absolute fucking rampage and blindly destroy anyone I have even the tiniest issue with. Whether it was calling Charrisse a “geriatric granny” or referring to both her and Gizelle as “kept-ass bitches,” Candiace really went from 0 to Housewife in one hour, and I was spellbound. I didn’t expect “I came from Jesus” to land based on the season preview, but in the context of that batshit lunch it just worked. What an instant icon.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – That really was an egregiously ugly outfit Gizelle was wearing, it must be said.
Gizelle continues to cement her paper tiger status by letting herself get clowned by the newbie for a second consecutive season. I suppose it was a little more even this time, since Monique is a cerebral assassin and Candiace is an indiscriminate spray of bullets, but still. Don’t fight Charrisse’s battles for her; she needs them for her S4 promotion sizzle reel.
Rating: ⭐⭐ – Is there trouble in paradise with Sherman…? I kinda hope not; I’m a little scared of what she’d fill her solo footage with otherwise.
Another quiet Karen showing (rest up, my love; Blue Eyes lurks in the wings), but I’m instantly obsessed with her burgeoning BEAUTY EMPIRE, launched under the umbrella of ICON ENTERPRISES.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – The world can never get enough popcorn-eating gifs. Somebody get on that.
When will your faves use an embarrassed blushing face to communicate a near-fatal car crash? I don’t love that we’re moving toward a “does Monique have a drinking problem?” storyline, because those tend to be a drag (side-eye @ u in advance, Bethenny), but I guess I have to admit it’s of some immediate relevance in one of the more auto-centric franchises.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Can we please take a moment to appreciate how subtly yet assiduously Monique worked to redirect Candiace’s resentment from Charrisse to Gizelle? Rich, pretty, and knows her Housewives strategy: Mo truly is the whole darn package.