The Round-Up: To Your Health

Take care of yourselves, Witches; if you don’t, you could wind up with fillers in your ears or poison in your breasts.

  • Looks like we must show some grudging appreciation toward Terry Dubrow, for he has truly performed a mitzvah: saving Kim D’s life. Take that, universe! She still has many years of piece-of-shit cokewhore homewreckery-every-day left to give to the world.
  • Kim Zolciak needs to put fillers in her ears so they can support her oversized earrings. Going back to the good old mainstay of body horror is a clever attempt at redemption, I’ll admit.
  • The real reason Jill left RHONY after S4 was that she knew she had limited time with Bobby. I Definitely Believe This Is True. She’s also #teamsonja re: Divorcegate, because you absolutely needed to know where she stands.
  • LVP has really crossed the Rubicon this time: January Jones can’t get a FUCKING table at Pump, and on her birthday no less!!!!!!! How dare you disrespect true royalty, Mme. Vanderpump.
  • Danielle Staub is making the most of her marriage, grifter-style. She shot intimate lingerie photos for her man (delivered to him via People, natch). She hoovered up the RHONJ travel budget (as well as some stripper testicles) for her destination wedding. And she filled her registry with shit like $705 change dishes and decorative obelisks. If Bravo won’t make her full-time, we can at least rest easy knowing she milked them for every penny she could.
  • And last but certainly not least (and in fact probably most): she’s baaack.

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