My stone heart didn’t know how to process all the intensely emotional shit this episode threw at us. Thank God, as always, that we had the Grand Dame there to order the salmon and the calamari.
In a lowkey appearance, Karen nevertheless stole the show. The Stephen King monster vibe she accessed with her I seeeeee you! *unearthly lizard slurp* talking head had me rollin’, as did essentially every other part of her meal with Gizelle. Determining that your dinner partner is paying and immediately ordering the most expensive items possible is a great revenge tactic, which *TMI* I have myself used while arguing with my father. Kudos, Kar.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – The Karen/Charrisse feud surviving the latter’s demotion is a beautiful thing as well.
I don’t know why but miscarriage trauma always gets to me. Maybe especially when the prospective child would have had the blessing of being born to two amazing hilarious parents with g-d bucketloads of money? I don’t know, Monique seems like a nice person and I’m sad that she was sad. I’m equally glad that she continues to hold her own in this group, though. I like the unspoken pact that she and Ashley have to undermine Robyn for as long as she continues to haunt the show.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – Line of the episode: “She might want to invest in a ghostreader.”
Whenever a new Housewives season starts, I try to reset my like meter, because you never know when someone (Karen!!!) will surprise you. And so I bobbed along for the first three eps kiiinda feeling Robyn, but no I’m done again now. How many total episodes is this where Robyn Dixon, a woman who is being paid (and God knows she needs the cash) to expose her frankly [KKB] weird and inappropriate [/KKB] relationship to the world, loudly demands that people butt out of her weird and inappropriate relationship? I understand that Ashley is probably annoying as hell and is just doing this to troll the shit out of the easiest target in the cast, but…woman. Use this as an opportunity to bring your own unique flavor to the show beyond just fucking boring repetitive whining. I BEG OF YOU.
Rating: ⭐ – At least Juan wasn’t in this one I suppose.
As I’ve said, I’m not super into this uncomfortable battle between Ashley’s mother (who, yes, needs to leave that douchebag!) and husband (who, yes, needs to chill the fuck out, this her fucking mother you dick!). Still, she delivered it with just enough affecting introspection and pathos that I was at least a little intrigued. And, per usual, her projecting all this onto perpetually runt of the litter Robyn kept me entertained.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – I am emphatically not endorsing therapy scenes on this show, however, just so we’re clear Bethenny Frankel.
I fucking fell out at the reveal that Candiace has her very own Dee Simmons in the form of her mother Dorothy, the CEO of the hair extension concern she works for, who refuses to cede any responsibility to Candiace, who pays for the home she and her fiance reside in, who maintains in that residence a *full-floor* “Diva Den.” Only good things can come of this.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – Discussion topic: Candiace’s man. Would you?
In contrast with Robyn, Gizelle continues to acquit herself surprisingly well in my eyes. I appreciate a Housewife who hustles to advance the plot, which she did both through her absurd grovel-meal with Karen and her “reading” where she basically poked at every hornet’s nest of the season thus far (“Ashley and Robyn: what’s up with that? 🤔”) then sat back to watch it all unspool. Would read about the exploits of Ginger Williams, possible former stripper turned church first lady.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ – I can’t possibly be the only one who hears “picture Gizelle dating a pastaaaaahhh” every time Gizelle talks about having been married to a pastor.