💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Potomac, S03E03

Before we begin, a nod to Charrisse, whose bizarre muppet-face reactions to conflict and retconning a BFFmance with Monique out of thin air show that she’s far better suited to being a Friend Of. Now onward!

Gizelle

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Appreciated the deeesperately thirsty slow shimmy she did to the door to guarantee that the camera caught her shady anti-Huger t-shirt iron-ons. Less interested in her basic-ass chats with Kal or blathering about Sherman or attempts to convince us there are business taxes to be paid on EveryHue.

Rating: ⭐⭐ – Did we all picture Jill Zarin taking Gizelle aside in the Hamptons to see about maybe getting a slot on Potomac S4?

Karen

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Not a big Karen ep overall, but the Press Conference spillover was enough to net her a courtesy star, particularly when she praised Ashley’s loyalty mere real-time minutes after they had exchanged insults about their husbands being indicted and closeted respectively.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Managing to comfort her emotional daughter without revealing any specific details about their family’s situation was a nice touch, too.

Monique

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First off, these parties Monique plans, all “teehee we’re gonna dress down and eat home cookin'” while simultaneously costing ~$16 thousand dollars and featuring hundreds of guests, are a delightful subset of the Samuelses’ overall absurd wealth. Beyond that, a solid Mo showing; had Robyn not left I legitimately think Monique would have thrown her out, and I’m a little sad she didn’t get the chance to do that twice in as many seasons at as many houses.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ – I also want to shout out Chris Samuels, who is quickly becoming a favorite househusband of mine (not exactly a difficult feat but nevertheless):

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Robyn

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Sooo I’m torn. I like that she’s trying a bit harder to produce conflict this season—especially via something as absurd as a meme posted by a no-name Monique Samuels Instagram fan account. On the other hand, whenever she goes to this well it’s inevitably moored in her anxieties about her personal life and my God please no more Robyn telling people to stop snooping into her marriage and finances haven’t I suffered enough.

Rating: ⭐⭐ – This was probably inevitable~

Ashley

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The gulf between the quality of Ashley’s solo footage and group footage widens again this week. I don’t care (/feel a little uncomfortable?) about this whole morass of her controlling husband and gaslit mother that she has selected as her S3 narrative. On the other hand, I am thoroughly here for Ashley barreling tactlessly into the Dixons’ relationship for the third consecutive year. She really will not rest until they’ve broken up or Robyn straight up decks her and gets fired, which either way is God’s work.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – I hope we all noticed Michael taking his clothes off at yet another party. This time it was barely remarked upon; how far we’ve come.

Candiace

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It’s been slow going with Candiace, who is only just now even meeting most of the women (although that’s perhaps understandable given the intervening, uh, press conference). Still, I’m vibing on her personality, and her absurd relationship with her man (or is that relationship with her absurd man?).

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – I’m really hoping the Ashley Darby shade about her pageant victory is an Easter Egg for later conflict.

3 thoughts on “💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Potomac, S03E03

  1. I personally can’t wait for the BW to be brought up at the reunion filed under Monique’s payroll and become a relevant meta storyline to a franchise <3

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