Well Atlanta always delivers on their reunions, now don’t they? Shame the season couldn’t have been more like this. Who came out on top?
Since Atlanta always has a clown car full of friends of the housewives to whip out for us, I’ll dedicate a little preamble to our peachless ladies before the formal ranking. This week we got to see Marlo, but it was a restrained appearance considering… well, it’s Marlo. She got shut down pretty quickly and effectively by Kenya and was a lot quieter than anyone would anticipate.
Oh sweet Jesus, what a disaster of a reunion for Shereé. I’m wracking my mind trying to remember if Shereé was ever a big reunion winner and I think not, but feel free to correct me in the comments if I’m wrong. That She by Shereé disaster answer was like a trainwreck I couldn’t look away from. Joggers. Athletic…lifestyle. etc. Girl, do not go checking through the trash can after a Sonja Morgan brand meeting for ideas! Anyway I look forward to seeing your new joggers in September-ish, spring/summer. She did manage to make a good point about Porsha’s fake apologies but so did all the other women so she wasn’t unique in this aspect. Her continued allegiance to Kim also seats her firmly on the losing side of this season and she was quickly decimated by everyone to bookend this entire reunion with her humiliation. I’d say better luck next time but this might be your last reunion.
Less of a loser than a non-entity. 51 Cynt was as ever pleasant, agreeable and out of the fray. I did choke a bit when she said “I don’t know why you guys think I can be controlled” because I’ve watched you for eight seasons Cynthia Bailey, and I’ve seen you go from one overbearing best friend to another and seven years of Peter Thomas.
A very low key performance from our larger than life star, much like her arc this season. None of her issues were addressed yet so I’m sure there will be more to come in the following weeks. She did get into it with Shereé for a bit over bone collecting and Kim, but nothing notable. I will say she wasn’t as stank as she has been in past reunions where she refuses to answer questions and just snorts and rolls her eyes.
Immediately getting into it with Shereé about her incomprehensible joggers-babble was the highlight of Kandi’s reunion time for me. She had a very positive spin, as ever, and got a whole segment about her success and the Essence cover. She’s obviously (and justifiably) still pissed at Porsha and did that ubiquitous Kandi choked up yell. Overall it was a sympathetic if forgettable performance.
Do I think Porsha pulled off a reunion miracle and rehabbed her image completely? Not in the slightest. Everyone still hates her and her non-apology antics. However, I have to give props where they are due. Porsha got that Andy-left seat and dominated the reunion airtime, despite the majority of her drama still just carrying over from lesbian rape-gate last season. She’s never going to take accountability for what she’s done, but I was surprised how well she deflected all of the criticism tossed her way. I think she’s been studying LVP’s strategy and taken the weakest piece to heart. It’s infuriating to everyone around you when you can’t just cop to things in the slightest, but at the same time it does sort of make you bulletproof.
Could it be anyone else? Come on now. The reason it took me two days to write this up is because I’ve been watching this on repeat since it hit the web. Absolutely breathtaking, and it happened right at the top of the reunion too. An instant meme. You can audibly hear her trying to mentally calculate when Rent-A-Baby is going to have hers in stock before she defaults to the vaguest most absurd answers possible. Aside from the pregnancy announcement, she got to take a victory lap about her marriage to the definitely real Marc although there was that weird tidbit about her never meeting his parents. Interstate travel is real difficult, I get it. She also held her own against Marlo and in general was pretty likable, which is not always something you’d describe Kenya as. I don’t expect her to remain on top for parts two and three so enjoy it while you have it, Mrs. Daly.
I don’t really focus on housewives fashion often (unless it’s notably hideous) but I feel like reunions are the time to see who shelled out for the best stylist. I thought all the ladies looked impeccable from the neck up. I have some thoughts on what they wore, though. I present to you my new Reunion Gown Mini-Ranking.
7. Sheree – That pink sack swallowed her up and made her look like a linebacker. Gucci, no!
6. Marlo – Swallowed up in in a pile of lavender tulle, it was a no-go.
5. Nene – Would fare better on a ranking of ice skater reunion dresses.
4. Porsha – You see “Goddess of Love,” I see Maleficent.
3. Kenya – Great colour but not very flattering. I guess it works for keeping up the pregnancy mystique.
2. Cynthia – I don’t think her dress comes across best on screen and it would look better standing, but it does look nice from this angle.
1. Kandi – Sleek, sexy, shows off the titties just right. She was the only one not to be swallowed up by her dress.