💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Potomac, S03E02

I expected more Potomac mediocrity from this season if we’re honest, but then Karen Huger came at me like a wolf with a butcher knife in the weeds. I’m hooked, y’all.

Candiace

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A bit of a slow start for our newbie, which is to be expected, especially when the other five women are engaged in an imaginary press conference stocked with peanuts and notepaper. I did perk up at her comments about CODE SWITCHING, which feels pretty elevated for a non-Carole Housewife. On the other hand, she has probably the worst voice thus far on a franchise that also features Charrisse’s phlegmy cadences; there were moments where she gave me Gretchen Rossi vibes which is downright triggering for someone who’s currently viewing the Tubba Wubba Era of OC.

All that said, I am calling it now: Candiace is insane. Watch this space.

Rating: ⭐⭐ – I also think her fiance is insane/maybe gay? Are any of the men of Potomac not gay? (Also reminder that Candiace literally felt up his balls through his jeans, at a bar, on camera, in her very first episode. INSANE.)

Gizelle

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Now this is the Gizelle I’ve been waiting for. I’ve always maintained that, unlike, say, Bethenny, whom I find inherently unfunny, Gizelle has a natural wit and impeccable timing that she’s simply always used for obnoxious ends. Used in the hilarious Karen Huger pile-on, however, it’s so so great. Sure, I could do without her Sherman bullshit (I totally forgot that she had previously dated a HERMAN, by the way), but when someone’s at the level of petty where they’re ironing #TAXREFORM decals onto plain white t’s just to be shady I Support It.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ – This, I am sorry,

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is instantly iconic (BRB, getting a “Replying to @GizelleBryant IRS” tat). Bravo’s Potomac and NYC editing teams are ninja-level on point this year.

Karen

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What can I even say? Karen’s misguided histrionics are making this season. It’s almost like she was hatched fully formed from the side of Vicki Gunvalson’s head, all her elaborate narcissistic displays instantly blowing up in her face because she is uh yknow compleeetely full of shit. And let it be known that if this recapper has one weakness, it’s bitches printing out tweets that shit lands 100 times out of 100 seriously.

Spare a thought, too, for her wee frumpy assistant/friend-of-twelve-years who just wound up as yet another blurry red target for Karen’s inchoate rage.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – I’m hoping for more Mood Jumpsuits down the pike; keep the motif running Kar, we could have a meme on our h–a meme, Karen, it’s–you know what, never mind.

Monique

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Monique is the perfect background player for a drama like this episode’s, willing to patiently hear a crazy person out on their delusions while also willing to drag the very same person to hell in confessional.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – Lowkey my favorite part of the Press Conference was Karen’s fury at Monique actually using her prop pencil to take notes.

Robyn

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Stop making me like you!!! Fortunately (“fortunately”) there were two whole Dixon family scenes to remind me of the depths of my past Robyn dislike, but her position in this particular Greek chorus as the one who can’t help but laugh incredulously 24/7 at Karen’s absurdity just works for me.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – You couldn’t script a more apt distillation of Robyn than her moving from her shitty condo to a slightly less shitty condo around the corner.

Ashley

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Appreciate that, in the face of EVERYONE causing trouble keeping things interesting with Karen, Ashley fulfilled her Housewives mission statement by escalating matters from “your money situation is shady” to “are you getting indicted?”

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – I don’t really wanna see Michaels’ dick tho

6 thoughts on “💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Potomac, S03E02

  1. Candiace came across like the worlds most irritating person and I’m here for it. Her twitter also verifies she’s insane since she willingly choose to be a Karen Huger minion (<33333) https://twitter.com/candeegal

    I think this was a great episode and Robyn and Gizelle have a much better energy about them this season? I feel you about Gizelle I do think she had good energy it just hasn't been directed properly at someone and she works so much better as supporting then main, imo.

    I don't really like "lifestyle" porn but Monique has a gorgeous home and I love her shark tank and she has great taste in interior decor.

    1. Ooo yeah agreed about lifestyle porn. I think it’s that Monique is so effortless and un-self-conscious about her wealth? Which…is problematic overall, lol, but compared the show-off shit you see on these shows (mostly from people who are secretly in foreclosure) it feels legit impressive.

  2. god it was so fucking good. it was so fucking GOOD! Karen’s Press Conference. this is an event that deserves to be on lists that include things like Scary Island, The Posche Fashion Show, Christmas in the Berkshires, etc. I’m obsessed.

    1. Yeah, I thought the Owe Millions Lunch was a moment, but it was just an appetizer. All hail the Grand Dame.

  3. I’ve unironically stanned for Karen since season 1. She’s serving me Luann/Phaedra levels of delusions and constant lying.

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