In which we discuss such hot topics as life and death, love and hate, the specter of racism, and a couple that just really, really likes Hot Topic.
- In the wake of Dorinda’s sweet dream/beautiful nightmare of a Halloween party, Luann is shockingly under fire for wearing an enormous afro wig and uhhh a lot of bronzer. Hasn’t she suffered enough?!?!?!
- But Luann’s little gaffe pales in comparison to the racially charged shitshow that was Kenya Moore meeting nineties/oughties character actor Michael Rapaport (you’re picturing Mike O’Malley right now but this is a different person I promise) on WWHL. Story goes, the two have a Twitter rivalry dating back to the days of Porsha literally dragging Kenya at that one reunion. Well, they met up before La Andy, and it did not go well. Kenya certainly got the best of Michael (cf. the following exchange: “You wish you were me, Kenya.” “A middle-aged, fat white guy? Not really.”) but things got a tad dicey when the, yes, super-super-white Michael Rapaport called Kenya’s feet ashy, then proceeded post-show to compare her to a chimp. When you try to play the Troll Queen you only play yourself, my loves.
- You can go ahead and subtitle RHOC S13 The Case of the Ex, because after the Vicki/Kelly drama over Vicki helping out Kelly’s ex, Shannon is apparently now feuding with Tamra about Eddie staying in touch with David. Don’t worry, Shannon, they’re probably just fucking. As a bonus, here’s this weird-ass story in which Shannon seemingly “accidentally” leaked David’s abusive texts to her. Loving this First Wives Club æsthetic right now TBH~
- And speaking of exes, worrisome news for anyone who’s been celebrating the return of fun Carole: her on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again, on-again, will-you-people-just-fucking-decide-already relationship with Adam is…on again. It’s suddenly really easy to see why she relates to Tinsley so well.
- In legit sad news, Vicki’s daughter Briana, AKA the most miraculous case of a child escaping a parental legacy of madness since Wuthering Heights, is recovering from a lupus-induced medical emergency. Everyone send your prayers; we’ll need her for the climactic battle against Brooks when he reemerges on his throne of skulls at the close of time.
- To end on a happy note, enjoy this fond reminiscence by Silex of all the times the RHONY producers fucked them over. Girls’ Night? The Ruined Birthday Surprise? It was all a fix! Still no word as of press time on whether production was behind Simon’s mean-tweets.