💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Potomac, S03E01

A decent Potomac episode? This really is April Fools’ Day.

NSFW pic incoming in case any of y’all care about that shit. (Work remote, is my motto.)

Ashley

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Gotta love Ashley Darby, who’s out here in her Alexandria sublet patiently storyboarding her arc episode by episode. Announcing her separation at the reunion, then reconciling with her husband in the premiere? Brilliant. I’ve seen this general storyline enough that I don’t care thaaat much about it, but kudos to the work put in.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – Okay but Oz isn’t really doing any better than before, surely.

Gizelle

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Nothing groundbreaking here, but as always I want to like Gizelle, so I appreciate any episode where she’s tolerable. Also appreciated the Brandi Redmondness of her rolling up all “Surprise! I’m friends with Ashley! 🙂”

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ – Gizelle is this franchise’s fake-boyfriend-haver, right? I’m not just imagining that.

Karen

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I mean…when the season *opens* with a montage of someone’s lifestyle fraud, replete with sepia flashbacks, Washington Post cutouts, and a poorly crafted graphic of shattering glass, you know it’s gonna be good. Karen’s Lynne Curtin-esque faux outrage at her husband’s supposedly hiding their financial difficulties from her was beautiful delusion, and she only doubled down on the hilarity in that instantly iconic lunch with Robyn, as she spouted line after prepared line about how YA GOTTA MAKE MILLIONS TO OWE MILLIONS while Robyn cackled into her salad. A beautiful culmination of last season’s last minute arc.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – A PRESS CONFERENCE next week y’all, staaawp.

Monique

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I’m a Mo fan, but this was nothing special for me. I don’t particularly care about her solo footage, though I’d certainly take the benign niceness of her and Chris’s relationship over certain other Dixons’, uh, people’s relationships.

Rating: ⭐⭐ – I also don’t care about lifestyle porn, yet I do get a little charge from seeing shit as ridiculous as a kitchen aquarium full of rays or someone forgetting about the elevators in her home.

Robyn

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Okay bear with me here. I came out of my Potomac marathon haaating Robyn, viewing her as the Cindy Barshop of our time, etc. And this episode still gave us some typically exhausting Dixons footage (“we sleep in the same bed…and sometimes we have sex” OH YOU DON’T SAY THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION). Hooowever. The Passion of the Karen would be nothing without Robyn there babbling mindlessly to everyone all “haha yeah Karen says she didn’t know about the tax situation ya rite bitch”, then laughing her ass off at her ridiculous lunch with Karen. I need a gif of the food literally falling out of her mouth as she cackles at Karen’s stagey bullshit, pls link me if u see one.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Okay but END THIS JUAN SHIT WOMAN.

7 thoughts on “💫STAR SEARCH💫: The Real Housewives of Potomac, S03E01

  1. You got to make millions to owe millions. Trust and believe and I DO *Z snap* and Can Robyn Dixon live anywhere she wants fabulously? You’re ALONE robyn *cackles*. Also loved the extremely OTT opening of the Fall of Karen.

    I feel like Ashley has to be one of the most calculated housewiving housewives out of all the franchises now, some of the ATL ladies should take note. Agreed that Gizelle’s energy was channeled in the right direction and she finally got her makeup properly done.

    1. I also think that the lunch with Robyn and Karen was the shows first non Katie iconic moment the franchise has been sorely lacking? Idk.

      1. Yeah, all in all this premiere just generally felt better-edited and had more impact than Potomac eps seemed to before. It gives me some hope for the season going forward.

  2. um okay that was the greatest episode of real housewives since dallas ended and i am in awe of what i just witnessed. the grand dame is here at last. an incredible car crash of half the nyc ladies; i guarantee sonja morgan has said “you have to make millions to owe millions” to someone she was holding hostage at some point. wow. i don’t even know what to say.

    1. Yeah I’m grudgingly glad I marathoned this if only for the extreeeemely satisfying follow-through to the Huger saga.

  3. I liked S2 but there was a sense that it was merely build up for an even bigger storm. Karen is that storm.

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