The Round-Up: Who Bit Beyoncé?

Okay, no, not really, but why pass up good SEO? In any event, this Round-Up does feature several of the Housewives most likely to attack a pop star with their teeth.

  • Let’s start with our dear old LeeAnne Locken, who surely tried to chomp on Lisa Stansfield’s face at some point in her media career. Reports have surfaced that the Carny Queen threw a fit *on her IG story* excoriating the producers for trying to make her take a NAHN DAWLUR Uber home from filming. (Yes, there’s video, in case you needed a quick fix of her dulcet tones during the off-season.) This has led to firing rumors, but sorry, Bravo, there’s no such thing as “firing LeeAnne Locken”; there’s cancelling Dallas or keeping it on the air.
  • Per Page Six, Jacqueline Laurita turned down an offer to return to RHONJ because Bravo didn’t offer her enough money. File under “L” for “Laurita, Jacqueline” and “LOL okay bitch.”
  • Meghan McCain and Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave have been facing off for over a week now in a public feud where you the viewing public are the loser. Meghan thinks Teddi is boring! Teddi says she would never disempower women like Meghan’s doing! Meghan thinks even Teddi’s response proves she’s a boring bitch! According to Teddi, “of all the horses I have ever ridden, I have never been on one as high as the one Meghan sits on”!!!! That last response may have thrilled Teddit (no I won’t stop running this portmanteau into the ground), but we here at BW HQ can’t wait for this date exactly a year from now when Ana Navarro is on The View and Camille Grammer is a full Housewife again and we don’t even remember these two creatures’ names.
  • 🚨 INJUSTICE ALERT!!! 🚨, as *my* president, Ramona Singer, is supposedly denied VIP privileges at two separate Aspen hot spots. What’s a woman to do?! Other than, you know, passive-aggressive geo-tagging.

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Blondes have more fun 💃🏼

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  • And last, but never least, Brooks Ayers has finally been wed…but not to his one true love Victoria Gunvalson WTF. Guess we’ll have to wait till they reign over the ruins of Earth from corpse-thrones as joint Antichrists post-Rapture.

2 thoughts on “The Round-Up: Who Bit Beyoncé?

  1. Andy said on WWHL that Teddi isn’t one and done :S I’m not even watching this season but she infuriates me from afar. Because being called boring by a viewer is depowering women *eye roll*

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