Hooray(?), Potomac Taglines Are Here

Because we’re all counting down the days till we see these ladies again, right? Whatever, just click the damn “Continue reading” button.

For any of you who are still with me, I present my mini-ranking:

6. Gizelle (“If you can’t handle me being the word on the street, then stop listening.”)

Oh fuuuck no are you kidding me. Look, I gave her the initial repeat because sure, it’s a gimmick, it’s something to cling onto amid the banalities of Potomac. But for her to now triple down on an already-not-very-strong tagline (who’s talking on the streets of Potomac, they’re lined with a bunch of McMansions and no sidewalks) solely because Charrisse of all people made a passing snide remark about it at a reunion once is effing dire. Stay tuned for future taglines such as Gamble on the word on the street and you’re sure to win and The only title I’d trade the word on the street for…is wife. (Kidding, of course; Gizelle’s about as likely to get married as Kenya is. Yes, I know what I said.)

5. Robyn (“Life has its ups and downs, but my game is on the rebound.”)

I’d be more appreciative of the tidy basketball reference if it didn’t serve as a dark reminder that, despite the odds, despite logic and common sense, despite the fact that Robyn is a lowkey frump who lives in a cheap rental like an hour away from Potomac, we will never, ever be free of her and Juan’s will-they-or-won’t-they-oh-wait-no-one-cares back-and-forth.

4. Karen (“Baby don’t believe what you hear. The grande dame still holds center court.”

Baby what a mess. (I suppose that’s apt for Karen though.) Where did this baby come from? Why is the grande dame holding court during a basketball game? Also sorry but I believe everything I hear about the Hugers???

3. Monique (“You’ll never put me in a box because I’m the whole darn package.”)

You can put a whole package in a box tho. Whatever I’m feeling favorably inclined toward her because I just watched the episode where she punts Gizelle out of her house before her pastor can arrive to talk her out of it.

2. Candiace (“Life is a pageant and I’m in it to win it.”)

First of all, yes, [sic]. This isn’t an unusually strong tagline but it stands out in this mediocre bunch, and I always find it promising when someone describes life as a competition.

1. Ashley (“You may say I cause trouble, but I say I keep things interesting.”)

Not a great tagline on its own merits, but rather on a meta level where Ashley is beautifully defensive about her endless, cheerful shit-stirring while simultaneously pointing out how boring the show’d be if she didn’t partake of it. Take that, Teddit.

9 thoughts on “Hooray(?), Potomac Taglines Are Here

  1. Okay honestly… I laughed out loud at Gizelle’s tagline and I’m PRAYING that it’s a sign that this is finally when Potomac is gonna make me laugh. “Replace one word from any tagline with “word on the street”” is also my new favorite game. If you didn’t already have a weekly article called “The Round-Up”, well… you know.

    Also, do I detect some shady editing in the way Karen’s tagline follows and feels like a clapback to Gizelle’s? …Why am I excited for Season 3 of Real Housewives of Potomac?

    1. I guess I feel that. I mean I do love Heather’s Hollas, and I also love anything that feels like a straight-up SNL parody of the Housewives (see Ramona’s existence). I think it’s the experience of marathoning this shit and hearing Gizelle say “word of the street” so many times that’s paining me, like that video of Trump saying CHINA over and over.

  2. Gizelle’s tagline might be the single worst tagline in the shows history? The delivery is fucking terrible. The rest I thought were ok to good, with Ashley’s clearly being the best. Lots of defensive taglines, and Monique’s voice sounds totally off in her delivery? I personally love Karen’s tagline it’s hilariously OTT and awkward, especially the baby part.

    1. Haha right? So many of these are basically “I deserve to be on this show, what are you implying?!”

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