Congrats, boo! That’s about 15 D’Agostino marriages. Below, we commemorate this momentous/momentum/monumental occasion by reminiscing over ten great moments from ten great Housewives, carefully curated via the random firings of my synapses.
Jill: “Hiii! Surpriiiiiise!!!” (S03E13)
AKA the beautiful, horrifying coda to Scary Island. Kelly has returned to her home planet. Ramona, Bethenny, Alex, and Sonja recover from her visitation with a relaxing pedi. Suddenly, a clarion from hell: HIIIIII SURPRIIIIIISE! Ringtone please.
Alex & Kelly: “Cover your shoulders, we’re in Marrakech.” (S04E10) and “Can you stop being red?” (S04E13)
One of the most underrated pleasures of early RHONY *in general* is the genre of Kelly/Alex confrontations, resembling as they do two chatbots arguing. The first of the above incidents follows Alex’s botched Munstergate confrontation with Luann, which Kelly proceeds to shut down as “an inauthentic moment” in which Alex is “causing a casino.” The ensuing veranda spat over Kelly’s ruined henna tattoo culminates in Kelly hissing at Alex to cover up, for God’s sake, then forcing the sobbing, hyperventilating woman to stop and close her eyes for a second (okay now open them).
The latter incident features Kelly in maximum concern troll mode, as she relays all the ladies’  worries about Silex’s behavior, immediately interrupting Alex’s response to demand that Alex stop being red because it’s making her uncomfortable.
Ramona: “Part of me wants to be pregnant.” (S04E16)
My favorite Ramona moment is every Ramona moment (see website URL) but I’ll always have a special place in my heart for a clearly menopausal Ramona dragging Sonja *and a cameraman* into a boat’s bathroom to take a pregnancy test, solely to upstage Luann’s anniversary party. Throw in an agitated, about-to-get-fired Jill hovering outside because she thinks she’s about to bust them doing blow and you have televisual perfection.
Sonja: “It’s humiliating to a very proud dog to be wearing diapers!” (S05E12)
Furious that Ramonja bailed on her spin event in support of a children’s prosthetics charity (ah, the beautiful forgotten genre of Aviva body comedy-horror), Aviva summons them to lunch with her, enlisting Carole as lieutenant/mediator/translator. We musn’t overlook Ramona’s contribution here, as she quite reasonably reminds Aviva that it takes forever to get a dermatology appointment in New York you can’t just cancel one!!! The real treat here, though, is Sonja, who starts monologuing about how Millou had a *medical emergency* occasioned by his pissing himself in bed with her and her “gay intern” and how NO ONE!!! is taking Millou to a vet without her.
Carole & Heather: “Harry, it’s so nice to meet you! I totally understand your divorce.” (S06E03) and “Don’t tell me anything motherfucker!” (S06E05)
S6’s ongoing drama over Aviva’s ghostwriter slander is a fabulous disaster, but I want to highlight two specific moments. The first is at Aviva’s housewarming party, of course, where Ramona instigates an argument between Carole and Aviva then immediately flees the premises (queen). The whole fight is beautifully messy, culminating in Carole physically grabbing Aviva’s mouth to shut her up, but the apex in my mind is Carole deciding to leave, but first tracking down Reid Drescher and Harry Dubin individually to inform them that their wife/ex-wife is *not a nice person.*
Then it’s Heather’s turn, as she uses the occasion of Lu’s Hamptons barbecue to hound the iconic Amanda Sanders, Image Consultant to the ends of the earth (“Go ahead, deck me!”), dunking on her existence over and over again, before turning her fire on Aviva, AKA Motherfucker.
Luann: “Are you on crystal meth tonight?” (S08E11)
Bethenny Frankel’s nightmare comes to life, as Luann swoops in like cocaine taken human form (even dressed in all white!) to word-salad at her for a while, invite herself on Bethenny’s planned Mexico trip, and then swoop right back out without paying the bill.
Bethenny: “Bethenny has pictures of Tom with somebody on Wednesday night.” (S08E20)
I’m not the world’s hugest Bethenny fan, but I have to acknowledge her obvious best moment ever. It’s not a creative choice, I know, but look at that gif c’mon.
Dorinda: [um, see below] (S09E13)
A newie but a goodie, in which a post-coital Dorinda arrives at the ladies’ Vermont ski lodge to realize that so hard did she and John smash last night that she entirely forgot to pack (though she did manage to bring a small satchel containing a disco ball). She proceeds to have all her stuff ubered up from New York for her. Who among us, etc.
What are your fave moments of the RHONY Decade? There are no wrong answers (except Josh Taekman or Fredrik Eklund scenes).