In today’s Round-Up: Stephanie cleans up her new house, Brandi moves into the Big Brother house, Lauri’s son hits the courthouse and LuAnn faces the big house.
- Terrible news for Dallas fans with discerning taste in interior design: Stephanie Hollman has eradicated her iconic living room pool. This will also be a crushing blow to armchair detectives who were banking on finding any given Housewife floating face-down in the season three premiere (you’d think D’Andra would be safe but then you remember: Dee, the wildcard).
- American Crime Story: Orange County blazes into its next scintillating chapter as Josh Waring’s trial for attempted murder begins today. This case makes Lauri’s son the de facto black sheep of the original O.C. kids, at least until it comes out that Travis Bryant stood on a man’s windpipe with his Heelys.
- Josh isn’t the only one waging legal war: the Countess’s charges are in for her Christmas Eve Eve rampage, and they include a felony punishable with up to five years in prison. While we wish LuAnn the best of luck, there’s a fantastic opportunity for an addendum to Class with the Countess here (Class in the Clink?), so it’s a win either way.
- Finally, while Lisa Vanderpump gets profiled in the New York Times, Brandi Glanville enters the Celebrity Big Brother USA house with such luminaries as Omarosa. Brandi has been mentored by LVP and Yolanda Hadid, two of the great Machiavellian minds of our time, yet this still somehow feels destined to end in a tsunami of teary obscenities, a week one elimination, and a slander lawsuit.