The Real Housewives of New Jersey – Reunion Pt. 2 Power Rankings

So the eighth New Jersey reunion draws to a close, with nary an accusation of Twitter bottery to be found. But hey, at least there was cake.

This hour was a nice coda to the rest of the season, insofar as I felt genuinely warm toward all the players even as they fell into a fugue of nightmarish screaming. The Kim D. segment was as delighted as I’ve been with a reunion in a long time. I could pick out favourite moments from this interlude, wherein Kim perched evilly in the special little throne they dragged out for her and pressure-cannoned mud at the cast while Teresa accused her of being a madame, but it’s really best enjoyed as a complete orchestral suite from beginning to end. I smiled the whole time.

And now, the rankings. One last time, allegro:

6. Dolores (NC): For as much as Dolores has variously been boring, and misguided, and a sycophant, I’ve never been as annoyed with her as when she was muttering back and forth to Siggy, ignoring everyone else around her. Imagine hitching your trailer to the Titanic as it’s in the middle of sinking (…boat trailer? Just go with me here).

5. Margaret (-2): The reveal that Jubilee Jumbles (or whatever the fuck clothing brand) is suing her for $9.4 million was a wound, and it threw Marge off her game. She spent the next hour trying to recover. If Margaret’s financial problems are as bad as they appear from the outside, expect a lot of story around it next season, and maybe a nice healthy downward spiral directed at, I dunno, Melissa.

4. Siggy (NC): I’ve long defended Siggy even during her most obnoxious trespasses, based on a maximalist sentiment that too much was just enough. But at the end of the hour, the incessant yelling and crosstalk turned the reunion into this video of borzois screaming at each other and Siggy was the one to blame. When Andy stepped in to As A Fellow Jewish Person her into admitting that Margaret wasn’t an anti-Semite (and failed), you could kinda see it was over for Sig. Good night, my precious angel. May your cakes remain lavish and unmolested, and may you always watch your step on the stairs.

3. Danielle (-2): Her backstage anti-Dolores meltdown was a nice callback to her walk-off at the season two reunion, but otherwise, a fairly lowkey resolution to Danielle’s return. Let’s see what next year has in store.

2. Teresa (+1): At some point, her lighthearted flirting with Andy Cohen seemed to turn into a legitimate sexual proposition, and honestly I’m here for it? True love finds us in the weirdest places. Explore that impulse, Tre.

1. Melissa (+4): I know! But I was charmed by her attempts to supplant Andy as the moderator of the reunion, vainly trying to coax some sort of remorse from Kim D., and she spent the rest of the hour delivering increasingly flamboyant scowls and eyerolls for the benefit of the audience. Solid showing from an inconsistent player. I will, as always, recall her fondly until season nine, when I will instantly remember I don’t ever actually enjoy her storylines.

One thought on “The Real Housewives of New Jersey – Reunion Pt. 2 Power Rankings

  1. That was a really fun episode of a reunion with zero dull scenes. I’m shook. Will Dolores even last on this show without Siggy? I can’t really see production giving her a callback now that they don’t need Siggy to have a friend to film with, but they let Porsha back on Atlanta so idk. I was shocked at the reveal that Dolores came to Danielle’s house for college advice and I honestly believe Danielle about what Dolores said. I was just surprised that Dolores appeared to be the first person to meet Danielle pre game.

    Loved Teresa handling Kim D and Melissa was actually pretty fun this season. I mean yes her solo scenes suck but whatever. I can’t wait for Kim D to be the prophet in advance once the Gorga’s shady finances catch up with them <3 I'm here for Kim D being a full time housewife I mean the cast would object to it but think of the solo material. The reveal her fashion show only raised 1,000 per girl and that she runs a whore house as her main business (obviously true) had me surprised. Really a lot crammed into the hour.

    Agreed about Margaret next season. I hope her main storyline isn't about money problems because that always gives me anxiety. At least she can claim victory in running arch rival Siggy off the show.

    This was maybe the first time I felt a little over Siggy like she was clearly psychotic but the yelling just got a bit old and she was clearly defeated and visibly shaken by the end. I will miss her on this show greatly though. Also her dad refusing to put her on ritalin and using being born in the six day war as an excuse for her behavior <3

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