Well, the richest and most glamourous Real Housewives franchise is back to wow us again. This…certainly was an episode of…television this week. Let’s dive into what happened, shall we?
1. Bunnygate spillover: It was seriously stretching to find a high this episode. I did enjoy the story about Harry Hamlin confronting Kyle Richards on some hiking trail about how rude and evil Kim was. Let’s start a theme of people Kyle doesn’t like just popping up in random locations to harass her.
1. Dorit and Jagger: Painfully extended kid scene with Dorit and Jagger. I know we had to introduce Teddi somehow but it did nothing for me. PK literally makes my ovaries curl up inside me and die but please give me his slimy English toad face in every Dorit scene. Way too light on the PK this week. Also do they let you totally renovate rentals? She wiped the JLo and Marc Anthony right out of that place. Tragic. I assume they upgraded the basement for Boy George too.
2. Teddi: This chick does not have any screen presence. She’s uncharismatic with a deep monotone voice that doesn’t deliver well on television. Her character is being painted as someone who doesn’t care about the wealth or glitz while living in her luxury compound and driving her expensive car. I get they are trying to find someone to conflict with the general BH theme of gross materialism but they could just find some actual “poor” person from the other side of the tracks (like a Brandi or Kim) to fit the role much better. She reminds me a bit of Kathryn Edwards and that isn’t a compliment.
3. Birkin bags: As a female who appreciates nice handbags, I will never understand the Birkin. Perhaps I’m just too young, but it’s a stuffy old lady bag to me. I get that it’s a status piece but it’s so damn boring. Exceedingly basic. Oh yes sure it’s an “investment” but Kyle Richards is not flipping Birkin bags on eBay for profit. Every franchise loves trotting out a housewife with a Birkin fetish and it always makes me hate that housewife.
4. Nothing happening: I know this was a premiere and there were a lot of establishing scenes but hoo boy nothing happened this episode. The Teddi/Dorit child scenes were endless, we got Erika with the squad and thankfully very little LVP (although she did manage to sneak in a jab about Erika’s rashy pussy). They jetted off to Vegas right away but Rinna didn’t join the group until the last minute so it was a whole lot of nothing. I hate entering a housewives season with such pessimism but I’m pretty disenchanted with the BH ladies now. I don’t see who is going to make this season any better than the prior three.