After going on hiatus for series five, the Real Housewives of Cheshire reunion is back, instantly reminding us why we never missed it to start with. Here are five things we hated about the RHOCheshire reunion.
1. The couches. I alluded to it in my previous post, but these are bad couches. My ass vicariously fell asleep watching these women squirm their way around these lumpy travesties. RHOCheshire producers: whatever part of the budget you’re devoting to having nine cast members, I promise it is better spent on new reunion seating. Fire Stacey. Buy a sectional.
2. Brian Dowling. This is an age old grudge from my Big Brother UK days, the genesis of which I won’t bore you with here. Suffice it to say I have little patience for the man and think he’s a dreadful presenter, although he is also probably my second favourite Housewives reunion host worldwide which gives you an idea of the calibre of human we’re dealing with.
3. Missing Lauren. I was hoping there would be some juicy reason for Lauren‘s absence, but Brian simply excused her due to “family issues” and moved swiftly along. “Family issues” is a vague explanation that could mean anything from “I hate this show and am leaving forever” to “family issues.” The lack of clarity was deeply unsatisfying, as was the more general lack of Lauren, whose charming belligerence could have livened up this dull affair.
4. Bad production. I don’t think the producers of RHOCheshire quite understand what a reunion is for. They know people want a reunion, because they revolted at last year’s “Brian Dowling capers around Cheshire fondling footballers” substitute, but they seem to think it’s just an opportunity for women to sit on couches and talk at each other as sedately as possible. The one time things threatened to get interesting, an altercation between Leanne and Dawn (above), producers quickly swarmed to kill the action and move things along to a nice segment about, IDK, Rachel‘s kitchen.
5. The stage right couch. The reunion, like the finale, was plagued by Seema, Nermina and Stacey trying to inflict their tedious interpretation of morals on proceedings, huffing about class and exposed breasts like absolutely anyone watching cares. I’m here to watch Ester Dee dance suggestively and call people beeches, ladies. Save it for The Real Handmaids of Cheshire. Thankfully, Ester understood and excused their bad behaviour: “We are not always going to be liked! I create that reaction often. 🤗 Everyone hates me, but I just get over it.” Fine words to end the series on.