This week on RHOA, it’s NeNe out and Shamea in as Porsha reckons with the consequences of being Phaedra’s lieutenant. Live by the sword, die by the sword.
Who’s flying first class and who’s not flying at all?
6. NeNe: Not in the episode! Nice work, production. Let’s get a streak going.
5. Cynthia: Cynthia went on a date with a nice enough dude that derailed when she found out he was 29. Give him a chance, 50 Cynt. They don’t all need to come from the same haunted curio shop as Peter.
4. Kandi: Kandi was a supporting player this week, helping Shereé talk out her domestic abuse and dogging Porsha across the table at Shamea’s wedding shower. I remain spellbound by Kandi’s sheer disgust every time she and Porsha have to share a room. They could power a small country on her glares.
3. Shereé: We spent most of the episode following up on last season’s disturbing revelations about Bob’s abuse of Shereé (the Bitchy Witches #standwithsheree, obviously), but it wasn’t all bleak. We found out Shereé gets her life advice from a man named Jack Daniels (same), and got some excellent footage of Shereé cruising around in the background of the Porsha/Shamea fight, scavenging for bones.
2. Kenya: This stage of Kenya’s Housewives career resembles the final half hour of a Charlie Kaufman film, where the layers of surreality and meta-reference have stacked so high that it’s difficult to discern fiction from the truth. Did Kenya actually get married? Does her husband exist? Is the entire Kenya Moore character a piece of baroque performance art? It’s impossible to tell, but the scene of her parading around an empty house in her veil, absconding behind closed doors to sob in subtitles about her husband possibly leaving her two episodes into their marriage, was as strange and gripping a piece of solo footage as I’ve seen.
1. Porsha: I’ve been resistant to Porsha, but there was something charmingly wormy about her performance tonight. First of all, she’s transparently moved Lauren into her home to have someone to film with, which is hilarious. I thought her tagline was a cry for help but I didn’t realize it was a threat. Secondly, she’s decided to make a storyline out of becoming a vegan because she watched a health documentary with her mom, which is beyond misguided. She’s begging out of Shamea’s destination wedding with a specious medical condition, which is an Aviva-level PR disaster. And while she’s sampling previous Housewives’ playbooks, she’s employing the pioneering Vicki Gunvalson reconciliation strategy, “I tried to ruin your life but I apologized; why aren’t we magically good?” It’s a real pu pu platter of terrible ideas and I look forward to seeing her expand upon them.
Next week on The Real Housewives of Atlanta: Shereé comes into conflict with a party planner, historically a winning proposition.