Stories about parenting. Minimal cast interaction. No Danielle. Don’t bother with RHONJ this week. Read our recap instead.
After weeks on point, RHONJ has hit a mid-season lull, reverting to the bad habits of the past: tired conflict and too much focus on family. Who needs to be disowned?
5. Teresa: True to their status as the supporting cast of season eight, Teresa and Melissa were entirely absent from the group drama this week, presenting instead a pair of twin stories about them raising their daughters. Tre took her kids and her father on a trip to Puerto Rico. I’m far too hungover to mine a good joke out of this storyline so let’s move on.
4. Melissa: Oh, Joe Gorga. Joe Gorga is a trip because unlike Joe Giudice, who was always a witless oaf, Joe Gorga is occasionally capable of likeability and charm. This makes it all the more jarring when he trots out his backwards caveman gender bullshit, at which point you remember he’s been like this the whole time. In any case, I felt bad for poor Antonia, the latest victim of NJ8’s weird fixation with interrogating literal children about their love lives on camera. Leave these kids to their private lives of fake tanning and steroids. Let them be young.
3. Margaret: Margaret mended fences with Dolores and gave us some tragic backstory, but really the highlight was our continued exposure to Marge, Sr., who is for sure just Margaret in old lady makeup a la The Klumps.
2. Siggy: There’s something I enjoy about the backdrop of Siggy’s manic S8 performance being her excruciating candor about her menopause. In this episode, we got to ride shotgun at one of her famous ass pellet appointments. She also made noises about forgiving Margaret, which given that she’s currently in week three of a 24/7 anti-Margaret social media meltdown, I’m sure goes smoothly.
1. Dolores: Continues to botch her loyalty play. Dolores is only number one because she played a pivotal role in a weak episode, but she’s still not doing great. People like D’Andra from Dallas or Robin from Vancouver have a good read on how to play loyalty on this show — it requires a solid foundation of honesty. When Dolores sat there and told Margaret with a straight face that she could not recall a time Siggy had behaved irrationally… yeah. In a tremendous display of restraint, the editors did not at that point launch into a flashback montage, presumably because the episode would run over time.
Next week on The Real Housewives of New Jersey: we meet Margaret’s father, aunts and uncles, all of whom look suspiciously like Margaret in different wigs.