Every so often, a Housewife puts on such a tour de force performance that all other members of her cast fall into the realm of sound and fury. So it was on Monday, when Ester Dee launched an assault on her fellow Housewives that stunned even Nermina into relevance. Hit the jump below to reminisce on 2017’s BAFTA-winning performance for Best Foreign Actress.
The first person on Ester‘s hit list was Dawn Ward, a.k.a. Ol’ Reliable. Dawn arguments are like the McDonald’s of RHOCheshire: always taste the same, but quick in a pinch when you’re hungry, and great for a hangover. The subject du jour was the continuing drama around whether Dawn took joy in Tanya getting assailed on social media, which she totally did. Dawn is relying on Ester’s reputation as untrustworthy to brush it under the carpet, but a quick audit of Ester’s past conflicts reveals that Ester lies about herself but uses the truth against others. I think that’s what’s happening here.
Next up was Stacey, and you could see even Ester, who would get into it with a lamppost, was kind of drumming her fingers and checking her watch through this one. I haven’t even mentioned Stacey in the Cheshire recaps so far, and there’s a reason. I’m not sure what the producers think her value is, but given that we’re nine deep in the cast now, surely they’ll be looking for somewhere to cut the budget next series. Let Stacey go be edgy, arty and fun somewhere else.
Thankfully, Nermina was next on the docket to spice up proceedings (never thought I’d hear myself say that). It should be noted that between Stacey and Nermina came a long interlude of Ester getting blind drunk and grinding up on married men — particularly Wes, husband of Leanne, the only woman in this cast currently giving her the time of day. Refreshed from the exercise, Ester hurled herself into her scrap with Nermina with renewed spirit and vigour.
I’m still not entirely clear on what this argument was about, though it started with Ester informing Nermina that “this is Real Housewives of Cheshire, not X Factor.” I love that RHOCheshire allows its stars to break the fourth wall because that is a genius burn that deserves to be celebrated. From there, Ester devolved into an incoherent drunken rant about Nermina looking down on her and fucking footballers to get by until N. finally had enough and chucked her drink. As far as drink throws go, I’ve seen far better — it lacked the passion and conviction of a Tamra Judge or a Victoria Rees, was a little slow and dead behind the eyes like everything Nermina does — but I was glad to finally see some effort, even if it came halfheartedly at the last possible minute. The whole incident ended with Ester screaming profanity while being bodily dragged off by an anonymous older woman.
But wait! There’s more! As per her S6 wont, Lauren jumped gamely into the mix to implore Ester to calm down because, you know, this is a child’s fucking christening (oh BTW this is a child’s christening if I didn’t mention that). When Lauren Simon is stepping in to inform you that your attention-grabbing antics at someone else’s party are needy and rude, you know you need to walk it back. Ester, master logician that she is, made the following appeal to reason: “SHUT UP, LAUREN! YOU’RE NOT GOING TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU FUCKING SLUT!”
Following this confrontation, everyone presumably realized it was the finale next week and they couldn’t blow all their good material at once, and quietly went home. Ester, I assume, caught a cab to a bar and flirted with a man who isn’t her husband. Brava, Ester. Brava.