After my last Cheshire write-up, the Bitchy Witches back-end analytics were flooded with search strings like “rachel lugo twin sister,” “rachel cheshire sister katy,” “rachel lugo sister katie,” etc. There is an overwhelming online appetite for all things Katie. I don’t profess to understand it, but the people have spoken. Here’s your Katie fix for the week.
Episode seven marked the conclusion of the Wives’ trip to Gibraltar. In what’s become a trend for the franchise, you really only need to tune in for the last fifteen minutes. Cheshire has mastered the prestige — their pointlessly chaotic episode-ending dinner party arguments are among the best in the game — but the lead-up is lacking. The front two-thirds of the episode are mostly devoted to the bloated cast ferrying information from person to person, setting up the eleventh hour bust-up via extended innuendo-laden conversation. It’s what we in the writing business call “exposition” and Cheshire has too much of it.
So why don’t we jump ahead to the gong show at Rachel‘s hotel room? The evening starts with Rachel and her twin, internet fave and the patron saint of Bitchy Witches web traffic Katie, hashing out their “you’re the pretty twin and I am but a worthless toad” drama of last week’s ep. The thrust of their conversation is that Katie sometimes feels insecure due to the identity crisis that occasionally crops up when you have an exact genetic copy wandering the world, but since she’s a 40-year-old woman who’s gotten this far, presumably she has her shit mostly together and will be fine. Then they chest bump. Shared BAFTA for Rachel and Katie, please.
That’s the only amicably solved issue of the night, which predictably descends into belligerence within about ten seconds. Dawn storms away from the table for no evident reason, then lurks in wait to eavesdrop on someone shit-talking her before storming back in. She dresses down Tanya as a “bitter little jealous phony” and then bolts before anyone can draw blood on her, forcing Tanya to fire buckshot into Lauren to satisfy her lust for vengeance.
Tanya’s attack on Lauren for being a two-faced shit-stirrer is interesting. Lauren is actually a very smooth operator — she does a bunch of shady shit constantly behind the scenes, but employs a flamboyant personality to distract from it. By publicly owning her charming brassiness, she’s able to camouflage that she sells stories and exacerbates conflicts in the shadows. As she too flees the table, she challenges Tanya to name anything bad she’s done, and Tanya can’t. Net victory for Lauren, even if she’s guilty of everything Tanya called her out for.
So Dawn stormed away from the table and then Lauren stormed away from the table, and then about five other people, until Katie was left to witness the grim spectacle of a weeping Tanya being consoled by her nearest and dearest. And Ester, who impatiently waited for dessert. I feel you, girl. Always room for Jell-O.