I hope you’ll excuse my absence from the Highs and Lows for the past episodes as I’ve been suffering from a vigorous case of Influenza Z. Unfortunately I don’t have a note from my doctor to get out of work because who goes to the doctor for a flu test? Anyway, I’m way off topic now so let’s just dive into this week’s episode.
1. Vicki cameo. This episode was pretty Vicki lite as she is still on the mend from a vicious bout of Influenza B. At least in her appearance we learned that she literally is full of an inordinate amount of shit. Bless her for bringing along those medical records, too. Also upon doing some rudimentary googling I discovered that Influenza B is no different or worse than plain old Influenza A, it merely infects in a different pattern. So yes, Vicki had the vilest and most intense strain of the flu ever.
2. Peggy’s cancer? I’m enjoying Peggy getting a fire lit under her ass about this cancer thing and hope more comes of it. For the record, I don’t think David was interrogating Diko the way Peggy made it out, although MKE PI at dinner last episode sure did. It sounds like the doctor gave her the all clear for her mass and then went back and actually found some cells. But I digress, I don’t really care one way or the other so long as more drama is on the way.
1. Balls Voyage. Now that I’m officially on Team Lydia Sucks I’m finding her attempts at maintaining her kOoKy persona to be pretty lame, especially in light of how uncomfortable she is in pretty average situations like drag bingo. This party was an abomination. Aballmination? No, I’m not even going to play along. It might be the worst housewives party (in concept, not execution) ever. Doug clearly was neutered long ago for agreeing to all this castration talk on television, although perhaps it is what makes him a Noble Man. Enjoy those cauterized nuts, man.
2. Bodily Horror. The theme of this week was clearly medical maladies. Between endless vasectomy talk, dissecting Peggy’s cancerous or non-cancerous breast mass, and a double date colonic it was a non-stop parade of gross body shit. Medical procedures are pretty much always filler in a housewives episode and this was no exception. Does a colonic room smell like poop? Does anyone want to chat with their friends while poop is being siphoned directly out of their anus? I only want to see the aftermath of colonics like when Shannon lost the tip in her rectum before Tamra’s baptism.
3. Beador marriage. Uh so this is becoming a recurring low, I guess. Watching David and Shannon snipe at each other in clear exhaustion with their relationship with Shannon’s mom and the kids present was dreadful shit. For the love of god get a divorce! Everyone will be happier.
Not going to lie: I am going to need a lot more Tamra and Vicki in my next viewing to get more excited. If you are impatient and infuriated by the slow pace of my posting, you can always check out our twitter page where I have been live-tweeting the OC. Okay well it’s “live-tweeting” on an hour or three delay but give me a break I live in Mexico we don’t have Bravo here so just nail me to the cross like Jesus was for using the wrong term.