I hope you all enjoyed your Ester Monday as much as I did. This week, our favourite Czech czarmer spread all manner of unsubstantiated airplane gossip, wept at a table, and compared herself to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. She meant she was unfamiliar with silverware etiquette, but it felt like an apt comparison in other ways.
It may surprise you (probably not!) to learn that I am as much on Ester‘s side as humanly possible while also acknowledging that the woman is a shit-starting compulsive liar who casually disrespects every human being she comes across simply as her way of being. Yes, she’s antagonizing Seema and Stacey just to be an asshole, but she’s not wrong that they’re snobbish and classist! And Dawn Ward is distancing herself from Ester, presumably now that her position in the group is less tenuous and she no longer needs Ester as a locked in number.
Regardless of the finer points, though, Ester was on a tear this week: showing up to a break dance class in ten inch wedges, getting her heel stuck in a grate, and complimenting Tanya‘s lush, shiny veneers. Star showing as always.
The other big drama of the hour was Dawn vs. Tanya re: the christening (actually re: Dawn’s long history of duplicity and shady behaviour even amongst her closest friends). Perhaps because Dawn is the ideal antagonist to make literally anyone look good, I’ve never liked Tanya more than this storyline. Even when she was wasting her talents on being Dawn’s henchperson, I’ve always found her loose and funny, a natural on camera, so it’s nice that she’s finally got some feud material to compliment her gifts as a showman. The exquisite episode-ending coda, a string of screamed obscenities between the two women capped by Dawn hurling her dainty pink chair to the ground, was to die for. Nice to see Cheshire following through on its strong fifth series, even if it’s Dawn/Tanya/Ester doing the lion’s share of the heavy lifting so far.
But they get an assist next week, as Lauren reveals that a post-hysterectomy Dawn asked her to bring the paparazzi to her hospital visit. Dawn Ward! They can never fire her. Her thirst embiggens the franchise. We can also look forward to a new addition to the Housewives musical canon as Nermina finally leaks her long-awaited musical masterpiece. Is it the new “Chic C’est La Vie,” or merely the new “Unbreakable” by Gretchen Christine Rossi? Stay tuned.