You are cordially invited to the Queen for an Episode recap of The Real Housewives of Dallas episode six. Dress code: tea attire. Cover your hooters and let’s get started.
In this week’s episode, D’Andra hosts a tea party, and no one gets poisoned. Gotta save something for the finale, I guess. How did the rankings shake out this week?
6. Stephanie: An idle spectator to the car wreck that was the Honest Tea. Stephanie needs a project to focus her energy, although as “pink dog food” is already spoken for, I’m not sure what to suggest. All the best ideas really are taken.
5. Cary: I’m at my wit’s end with the her/Mark footage. Their argument about Zuri felt very put-on, though I’m not sure to what end — it wasn’t interesting and it didn’t make either of them look good. There’s an eerie artifice to their relationship that I can’t quite pin down, and I think both of them are too guarded to expect an actual answer. Besides the obvious truth (he wants to be on the show way more than her and she’s merely his reluctant vehicle to be on television) and the implicit one (he gay), there seems to be more going on, but I’m at a loss to say exactly what.
I’ll give props where they’re due, though: I liked her at the Honest Tea, both in terms of her transparently shit-stirring yet still valid question about Brandi pretending to be LeeAnne’s friend, and her horror at her arm getting trapped in their hug. I’m certain that when she removed the appendage, it was infused with carnie superpowers, and Cary is now blessed with superior ring toss abilities.
4. Brandi: I’m glad she was held to the fire at the Honest Tea. The shit raining down on Brandi ranges from petty (Kameron is obviously contriving drama out of thin air to amuse herself and get airtime, though I’m not complaining) to justified (it is worthwhile to publicly address how incredibly duplicitous and phony she is in her relationship with LeeAnne), but Brandi as a character really only works when constantly embattled by everyone around her.
3. D’Andra: Not sure what was more misguided — that D’Andra thought she could solve the group’s fractures with a fussy tea party whose central activity was passive-aggressive, anonymously submitted questions, or that she chose to do it in this outfit:
Season finale to Girlfriends’ Guide is Thursday at 10, btw.
2. Kameron: TFW the chick you’re tormenting for no reason earnestly apologizes even though you don’t deserve it and brings you a gift, and you need to make up a new drama on the spot:
1. LeeAnne: A banner week for the Charity Queen of Dallas: not only was she proposed to via a midway game as foretold in the Carnie Oracle (featuring helpful and relevant carnival tricks — aim for the shiny balloons!), but she was granted a public forum to shame Brandi Redmond and drop a C-bomb on Cary Deuber. She’ll also be doing a Reddit AMA on September 26, so if you’ve ever wanted to inquire after the best way to gut your game carnie-style, now’s your chance to ask!
Next week on The Real Housewives of Dallas: Take it away, LeeAnne.