Queen for an Episode: The Real Housewives of Dallas – S02E05

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In which yet another person cuts Brandi Redmond out of their life forever.

In episode six: Brandi takes Cary and Stephanie on a trip to Nashville to harass her family, LeeAnne seethes in Dallas, and Kameron is a serious entrepreneur. Who’s getting left on the doorstep this week?

6. Cary: Still having lots of heterosexual intercourse with her heterosexual husband.

5. Stephanie: I appreciated the glimpse into exactly how codependent her relationship with Brandi is, cf. her wanting them to get pregnant together, her feeling uneasy if they don’t spend five hours a day together on the phone, etc.

4. D’Andra: God help me, I remain enthralled by her (incredibly mundane!) solo footage. In this episode, she yelled at her deadbeat stepson wearing this get-up.

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Body courtesy of Lisa Rinna for QVC; head courtesy of Bret Michaels for QVC.

3. LeeAnne: We’ve reached the middle part of the thriller where LeeAnne is realizing she’s been rejected. Expect a dead pet to pop up soon.

2. Brandi: The unofficial rubric of Queen for an Episode is not “do I like them?”, but “did I give a shit?” I like Brandi less and less as the season goes on, but it’s hard to deny the episode revolved entirely around her. Here’s what’s up: 1) I think it’s pretty craven how Brandi is dropping LeeAnne like a bad habit and rewriting the shared history of their friendship to suit Stephanie. Housewives are fickle and memories are long so it would do well for Brandi to remember where her bread is buttered. 2) I didn’t particularly need a road trip to Nashville starring the three least interesting Housewives. 3) I’m spotting a real pattern of Brandi getting disowned by the people she loves most and while acknowledging that all of these situations have been presented fairly vaguely, she maybe needs to examine the way she conducts her relationships.

That said: I’m not made of stone. I think her ambushing her grandma in the middle of the night with a camera in tow was some of the worst judgment I’ve ever seen, but it was still painful to watch her banging on a door that never opened. Her apology bouquet abandoned on the doorstep was an exquisitely miserable closing image.

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1. Kameron: On tonight’s episode of Shark Tank:

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Dig up Willy Loman; the American Dream lives.

Next week on The Real Housewives of Dallas: Cary and Mark leak a sex tape in which you never see their faces.

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