Highs and Lows: Loose Lips Sink Friendships – RHOC

This week was truly The Vicki Show. After a fairly nuanced presence throughout most of the season – primarily due to nobody wanting to film with her – Vicki was back front and centre as she celebrated her birthday. It was a great episode so let’s dive in.

Highs:

1. Vicki’s roast. Oh my god the opening scene killed me. Bless Vicki’s frenemy who suggested she have a roast for her birthday, and curse Briana for pointing out what a godawful idea it was. She should have let Vicki keep believing that a roast is a tribute and everyone will go up and say nice things about her. Maybe Tamra and Shannon would have actually attended.

roast

2. Vicki calls Tamra. I’m looking forward to this coffee date. It felt great to have them interact again even just for a few minutes over the phone. Feels like the good old days. Bonus entertainment points for when Tamra calls Shannon to tell her about it.

victim

3. Vicki’s birthday. The one exception to me loving Vicki’s birthday scenes was Briana’s awful husband giving her a gun with Steve. The last person we need packing heat is Vicki Gunvalson. Otherwise it was beautiful seeing a narcissist in her absolute element. Her grand entrance to her party being ignored so she just sang “Happy Birthday” to herself. Reveling that Ryan sacrificed his vacation time to be with her and swanning around in glee pointing out how many people attended her party, even though the guest list was super pathetic and not all of the faces were familiar.

jeana2

I feel like it’s necessary to caption this to point out that yes, this is Jeana Keough.

Which leads into my next point…

4. Team Thirsty. Congrats Vicki, your illustrious birthday party managed to draw Gretchen out from her troll bridge and reminded me that Lizzie ever existed. It was actually a pretty low key appearance for the returnees and I only had to suffer through a brief glimpse of Slade, but the real star of televisual desperation was Ricky.

thirst

I vaguely recall him with dark hair back when Tamra was on her last legs with Simon, and Simon thought he was a bad influence. I guess Simon read him right, because you have to be real desperate to sell this a) believed by no one Eddie is gay rumour b) in support of Vicki Gunvalson and in betrayal of your supposed friend c) in such a transparently staged way. Your lack of dignity is my entertainment though, so keep up the good work.

Lows:

1. Peggy. I’m getting redundant here but she’s seriously such a weak link. Her solo footage is excruciatingly boring and repetitive and she barely has any connection to the rest of the cast. I have no idea who told them the idiom gag should be part of her running storyline but I respect them if they were trying to sabotage her debut season. Between her being a total dud and the escandalos in the press, I’m calling Peggy as a one and done. Countdown to the firing announcement after the reunion.

2. Lydia’s logic. If you remember, Lydia was introduced to the group on her original season as a friend of Alexis. She quickly realized how hated Alexis was though and immediately flipped onto Tamra’s side. She has a history of being able to read the powers at play which makes it so much more confusing why she decided to wedge herself in so deeply on Team Vicki unless she was contracted in as an ally. I can’t see any other reason to take Kelly’s side. Here’s the thing: Kelly often has a point about the other girls being awful to her, but the way she lashes out constantly with the most absurdly mean and petty thing destroys any goodwill she could foster. She also blew off Eddie’s birthday. I mean you do you girl but you’re never going to come out on top when you align with the cancer scammer.

3. Barton G. Oh my god this is the restaurant of my nightmares. There is nothing I hate more than a pointless gimmick. Usually my gimmick restaurant hatred is reserved for molecular gastronomy because I enjoy eating real food and not just, like, grape vapour but this is even more offensive to me.

braton

There is nothing even subtle or witty about this. Swordfish served with a sword? Popcorn shrimp in a popcorn machine? Lychee martinis served with a Buddha and gong? I’m a millennial so allow me to hate on this shit which is clearly just meant to be posted on social media. Point the nukes here, North Korea. I’ve found what I’m willing to sacrifice.

4. The Beador marriage. Remember when I said last week I always loved watching their tension? I take it back. This was some bleak shit. Shannon, you didn’t do anything. It just turns out that a band-aid vow renewal doesn’t actually fix two people who have been growing apart for a long time. David’s grace was real awkward. Happy birthday, btw!

After the episode we were treated to the trailer for the second half of the season. Looks like Iceland is going to be good! RHOC always goes to such random destinations. I mean I know Iceland is pretty trendy right now but remember who these ladies are. They are still celebrating the trends of 2007 so I’ll look forward to them eating that fermented shark.

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