We’re back with more from our favourite trashbags from Orange County. While this week’s episode wasn’t particularly notable, they figured out a much better balance of airtime and it was a step in the right direction. Read along as I assess the best and worst moments.
1. Detective Shannon digging into Peggy’s cancer history. I’m like 90% sure there isn’t anything nefarious or Munchausen’s at work re: Peg’s double mastectomy, but Shannon gently prying out the details gave me flashbacks to the amazing thrill ride of Brooksgate. If this does somehow turn out to be cancer scam 2.0 — Peggy certainly does have a history of lying, right Tay?— I will take back every bad thing I said about this season and Peggy.
2. The aura machine. It confirmed everything we already know to be true: Vicki is perfect. This was the only scene we got of Vicki with another wife this week, and I’ll take what I can get. I don’t believe in Feng Shui either, Vic. Now stop ignoring everyone and be the beautiful monster I fell in love with.
3. The terrible Beador marriage. Let’s be real folks, the Beadors really need to divorce. I don’t know if it’s about money or staying together for the kids, but something is keeping them from calling it quits even when they are clearly miserable together. And I’m grateful for it! The vast majority of housewife marriages depicted across all franchises are awful, but I find the Beador brand of bickering the most watchable. I do think it was absurd to suggest Shannon needed to do the race to support David when a) they are stupid and awful (see: lows) and b) Shannon is clearly not in peak physical condition. Also David’s probably having another affair. If only it were me. Yes, David Beador is probably my #1 most bangable househusband. That very short ranking is for another post, though.
4. St Patrick’s Day. I will never not love Shannon squawking random Irish gibberish in her ridiculous voice. Glad she brought out the same shirt as last season, it might as well be an annual tradition. Shannon and Kelly getting along for a second was fun, too. I let my mind wander briefly and imagined Shannon and Tamra poaching her from Vicki just to drive her insane. Then I saw that preview and remembered nobody wants Kelly as an ally except for Vicki, because beggars can’t be choosers.
5. Peggy. I still wouldn’t say I like her overall or expect her to be back next year, but Peggy entertained me this week. Her conflicting explanation for why she had the double mastectomy was great stuff and I’m hoping for an eventual blow-up with Tamra as clearly nothing was resolved between them over their lunch. Also, how did she get into Lisa Vanderpump’s bumpit stash?
1. Tamra’s egg whites and vegetables. I gagged when she ordered it. Being a proper Surrey girl, I grew up around plenty of competitive bodybuilders and I can’t think of anything I’d like to do less than work out obsessively and eat egg whites and unseasoned chicken breasts. Yes I always pay attention to what the ladies order when they go out. The ladies of the OC have some of the worst palates I’ve ever seen.
2. Meghan’s photoshoot. I have negative interest in her need to be a working mom. We all know being Jimmy’s beard is a full-time job! Also I’m irrationally annoyed by those stupid bow-tied headbands she keeps putting on her boring baby. Babies are ugly and I understand wanting to cover their alien-esque bald heads but there has to be a better way.
3. The spartan race. As a non-athletic Vancouverite who grew up surrounded by legions of fitness-obsessed, personality-devoid clones, I hate this tough mudder/spartan genre of torture race on such an essential level. For some reason it’s popular filler across franchises. If you’ll remember, back in season 7 of RHONY whatever race they did was another opportunity for Josh to be an unbearable asshole to Kristen. We’ve even seen it in this franchise before in season 8 when Gretchen sprained her ankle like five minutes into the race. If you’re going to make me watch this shit then you better have the entertaining trainwrecks signed up for it and not just the fit, competent ones.
Are you loving all the Meghan Mom footage like those basics over on reddit? Is this the worst season of housewives ever and you quit and will never hear Vicki “woohoo” again? Share your thoughts in the comments below!