Queen for an Episode: The Real Housewives of Dallas – S02E03


Dallas continues its hot streak as Brandi and Stephanie have their long-awaited heart-to-heart, D’Andra debates whether or not to apply a cum stain to her dress, and LeeAnne attends a Halloween party dressed as an ugly version of the host. Ms. Locken, you continue to spoil us.

Before we push forward, let’s send a little love to prodigal Housewife Tiffany Hendra, whose return to Stephanie’s Halloween party dressed as a sexy cop went unacknowledged by the cast and barely signposted by the editors. Keep pushing for that late-game villain breakout, girl; it’s in your blood.

Who stood out this week?

6. Cary: Kept having these scenes where she was in conflict with Mark but I couldn’t read them or interpret them in real time. Like when they were filming that web show, what was that? Did she like it? Was she annoyed? It was very disorienting. Almost certainly a tulpa.

5. Stephanie: Stephanie is a very adept Texas-style mean girl, which is a great skill to have in your toolbox as a Housewife. She’s good at pouring on just enough sugar to blot out the acrid bitterness of evil. Hm, there’s a Halloween costume in this.

4. Brandi: I’ve realized Brandi is really bad at communicating in conflicts — she prefers to bottle shit up until the damage is irreversible and then lament what was lost. But she’s doing a lot of heavy Housewife lifting regardless: the summit with Stephanie, the teary miscarriage confession, and, it looks like, the inevitable unravelling of her détente with LeeAnne, as foreshadowed 25 years ago in Sarah McLachlan’s song “Possession.”

3. D’Andra: I don’t know how D’Andra keeps climbing this high. She desperately needs a rival, a storyline outside the home. Even in this episode, her solo footage was nothing special (she tried to get her stepson to eBay her obscenely expensive dresses). But I think it’s the lurking spectre of Mother that sells me here. D’Andra referenced Dee in two separate scenes, completely apropos of nothing. She haunts even D’Andra’s benign, around-the-home fluff. A very nice Bates Motel-y touch.

2. Kameron: Kameron continues her streak of weaving comic gold from banal domestica; the scene of her coaxing her daughter to order in Spanish at the Mexican restaurant was better than most of Saturday Night Live‘s output from the past five years. Shout out to her absurd facial expressions; love any time Cort gives her grief about her pink dog food idea and she knocks him back with one of these babies.


1. LeeAnne: If I watch this show for no other goddamn reason, I watch for the scene where LeeAnne enters her fucking therapy session bragging about how she will be attending Stephanie’s Halloween party dressed as a two-faced monster version of Stephanie, registers her therapist’s horrified reaction, and then goes ahead with it anyway. LeeAnne has been on a goddamn tear this season, and I look forward to her reign of terror continuing next week. Special love to those shots of LeeAnne by the pool where she looks like a literal creature from Hell.


Next week on The Real Housewives of Dallas: LeeAnne shows off her new tattoo of Brandi’s name, no reason, just thought it would be cute.


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